


Tales of Bucky Barnes

by Tilltheendoftheline



Category: Captain America (Movies), Winter Soldier - Fandom
Genre: Caring, F/M, Fluff, Homeless Bucky, Jacky - Freeform, Love, Rex - Freeform, S.H.I.E.L.D., Slow relationship, Washington D.C., fuck this shit, recovering, right after the battle, sarcastic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-03-29 09:00:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 30,550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3890362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tilltheendoftheline/pseuds/Tilltheendoftheline
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky Barnes is not sure who he is, after the battle with Captain America. He is found by a random girl, who brings him in her house. Each chapter will be a story about Bucky discovering stuff about him or the new culture his is living in. Together with Jacky he might even find his best friend, Steve Rogers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The meeting

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my first language. Sorry if there are mistakes. I try my best!

It was because of her dog that she walked in to him. The man was laying behind some bushes, hidden from the people who were walking in het park. But walking nicely on the path wasn’t something that Jacky did. Not because she wanted, no, her dog forced her to trip on branches and be bitten by insects. The strong German Shepherd loved to pull her in the bushes. Thanks to this pattern, she walked in to this men, sleeping in the tall grass. He had a baseball cap on top on his face and was wearing clothes that were way to warm for this time of year. He was softly snoring, what made Rex –the dog- curious. The dog started sniffing and pushed the baseball cap from his face. The man had long, dark hair and a beginning beard.  
“Your dog is harassing me,” the man quietly said. Jacky chuckled and pulled the dog back with his belt.

“That’s not new for him. I’m sorry that he woke you up. Rex had a mind on his own and it’s hard to take him away from that,” Jacky said. The man opened one eye, revealing a beautiful bright blue colour. Jacky smiled and hunkered down Rex his level.

“He always goes to homeless people to sniff them. I think y’all smell nice,” she said. The man frowned and opened his second eye.

“I’m not homeless,”. Jacky her cheeks coloured red. The blond girl always made preconceptions about other people. She didn’t want to…it just happened.

“Sorry…again. But most homeless people sleep here and wear clothes that are too thick and I…” – “I just don’t have a bed to sleep in right know,” the man interrupted her. Jacky got up and sighted.

“That’s homeless. You know, if you want you could take a quick shower and have a hot meal at my place,”. It wasn’t the first time Jacky invited homeless people in. The loved to hear their story’s and help them out. She had some bad experience with it, but that didn’t count for the good things that happened.

“You do know that I could be a cold hearted killer right? Maybe I love to wait for young, naïve girls to pick me up and take me home,” the man said. Jacky padded Rex’s head.

“I don’t think a cold hearted killer would sleep here. He would just kill someone and use their house. Besides, I got a dog. He protects me,” Jacky said. She man sat up and picked up his cap.

“Yeah, I could never be a killer. And your dog is really scary,” the man sighted. Jacky frowned, ready to shout that he didn’t had to come, but he was faster.

“But yeah, I stink. I need a douche,” he said. The man got up, revealing his tall and masculine body. He stepped towards Jacky and passed her.

“I hope you live close by,” he shouted, already on the path. Jacky put Rex on his leash and pulled him out of the bushes. The man was standing on the path, waiting for further instructions.

“I’m Jacky by the way, Jacklynn, but I like it when people call me Jacky. What is your name?” Jacky asked, while she started walking towards her apartment. The man let his hands slide in his pockets.

“Don’t know. I don’t have one,” he said. Jacky looked surprised in his direction.

“That’s bull, everybody has a name. I won’t look you up on Facebook, if that’s what your scared for. I’m stupid with social media,” she said. The man got clearly annoyed.

“Look, Blondie. I. Don’t. Have. A. Name. Got that? Just call me Winter. That’s the nickname some people used for me. I don’t do names, nicknames are better. Your Blondie, I’m Winter and that dog of yours is harassment. What kind of food do you have? Do you have coffee?” His voice got louder when he was annoyed. She looked up to him and nodded.

“His name is Rex, like the famous German tv dog. He just loves people, that’s it. Yes, I got coffee. I need to look in the refrigerator ” she quietly said. Winter sighted. His walking got faster, too fast for the short girl.

“You know, Most people are a lot nicer towards people who help them!” Jacky said. Winter looked next to him and frowned.

“I’m not like most people,” he said. Jacky smiled and nodded at the same time. Winter was definitely not like normal people. She was curious for his story, why he lost his home and more important, why he has no name. The way to Jacky her apartment was silent. Not Winter, nor Jacky said nothing. They just looked at Rex and bump in to each other when Jacky forgot to mention that they would make a turn.

“It is not big, but it’s home. My brother sleeps at my place sometimes, to you can wear his clothes until I washed yours,” Jacky said, as they entered her apartment. De blonde woman had luck with her apartment. She had a separate bedroom, a kitchen and living room combined. In the far back she had a bathroom with a bathtub. Jacky was proud of her bathroom, it was a true heaven for woman.

“Could you get me coffe? I didn’t have any in a long time,”. Was the only thing Winter said as he entered her place. He took of his baseball cap and put it on the living table.

“Yeah yeah, I think right know that getting you clean is more important, winter”. The man looked up and shook his head.

“No, listen. I need coffee and after that I will take a shower,” he said. Jacky rolled her eyes. She released Rex, who jumped towards his basked and walked to the kitchen.

“One coffe coming,” she sighted. Jacky knew that this man would be different from all the other persons she had in her home. He was more interesting and Jacky was way more curious to know him. She knew she would be with him for a long time, but she didn’t mind. Somewhere it was exiting to step in this adventure. Looking if her ideas about ‘winter’ where right. Jacky looked at Winter, who hunkered down to Rex. Yeah, she liked him.


	2. His arm

Only after a few cups of coffee, Winter was ready to go in the shower. In one round he drank all of the coffee she had in her home. Jacky planned on doing a quick trip to the grocery store, when Winter was out of the shower.

“My brother is a traveller. Right now he is in Peru, playing with some llamas. The rare moment when he visits America, he sleeps here on the couch,” Jacky explained, when she started to pull men clothes out of her closet. Winter didn’t seem interested. His blue eyes were focused on her window.

“Earth to Winter? Here are some clean boxers, no worry. I always buy new ones for Aaron, so they are never worn before. You can keep them.“  
Only now she got Winter’s attention.

“Keep it? Why would you give it to me? You don’t know me,” he said. Jacky rolled her eyes. He truly was different. Normal people would get it out of her hand before she could give it. Winter acted like he never had something before. She took his hand and put the clothes on it.

“Just get in the shower and put it on,” she sighed. Winter frowned and walked away, towards the bathroom.

“I don’t have any men shampoo, but the one I use is pretty senseless. I have some clean razors in the drawer, towels are here and the shower doesn’t need any instructions,” Jacky explained. Winter put the clean clothes on the armoire and started to remove his clothes.

“If you need anything, I’ll be in the kitchen. Oh, when you are out of your clothes, leave them outside the door. I’ll wash them for you,”. Winter put his hand behind her back and pushed her out the bathroom.

“Just say it if you want to see me naked,” he whispered. Jacky slapped his hand away and turned around.

“No! I was just trying to explain –“. Winter already closed the door. Jacky sighed and leaned her forehead against the door for a few seconds. She shook her head and walked towards the kitchen. Winter looked like a man who had a good appetite, so she decided to make some pasta. Softly singing, she was preparing the dinner, until she heard that Winter was finished with his shower. The man came out of the shower, his hair still dripping. He didn’t wear any shirt, but he had a clean pair of jeans on. Jacky her eyes stopped by Winter’s left arm. She hasn’t noticed that he didn’t have his real arm anymore. His complete arm and part of his shoulder where removed and replaced with metal plates.

“This shirt is too tight, it doesn’t fit,” he simply said, leaving the red shirt on the table.

“Then wait for your clothes to dry. I just put them in the washing machine. I didn’t know you had lost your arm,” she softly said. Winter looked to his left.

“Appears to do, eh?” Jacky smiled and walked past Winter, to get a towel.

“It is amazingly made, your prostetic. I haven’t seen the robotic ones yet,” she said. Winter bowed his head, so Jacky could dry his hair. He didn’t commented on her reaction.

“May I ask how you got this arm? It’s so pretty,” Jacky asked. Winter shook his head.

“Look Blondie, the less you know about me, the better. I just have it, okay?” Winter said. He picked the towel out of her hands and put it on the table.

“Dinner ready? I’m starving,” he asked. Jacky frowned. He probably wasn’t ready to tell why he lost his arm. She walked to the cupboard and picked two plates. She filled one and gave the other one to Winter.

“This is all I want, you can take the rest. You are probably really hungry, so eat as much as you like,” she said. Jacky picked the towel and shirt from the table and laid it on a chair.

“Shall I put your hair up? I understand if you are annoyed by your hair,” Jacky asked. Winter sat down across from her.

“As long as you give me food and coffee you can do whatever you like with my hair,” he said. Smiling, Jacky came up, to walk around Winter. She put his hair in a quick messy bun, so his hair could still dry.

“That’s better, right? Did you always have long hair?” she asked. Winter stuffed his mouth full and looked up to Jacky.

“Eat, we talk later,” he said with his mouth full. Jacky nodded and got down on her chair. While eating, she kept looking at his left arm. He used it like it was a normal arm. If it wasn’t for the obvious metal, she couldn’t even see that it was a prostetic.

“It’s amazing what technology can make,” Jacky said softly. Winter ignored her again, he was too busy eating.

“My grandfather was a veteran from world war two. He lost his leg. Are you a soldier too?” Jacky asked. Winter frowned and looked up at her for a few seconds.

“You ask too much. If you don’t start eating I will eat yours, this is good,” Winter mumbled. Jacky looked down at her plate, she was not hungry whatsoever.

“You can eat it, I’ll eat later. I think you need it more,” she said. For the first time it looked like Winter had some sort of a quick smile. He took her plate and started eating from it.

“I need to get some more coffee later, I’m not leaving you here alone so you need to come with me,” Jacky said. Winter looked up and nodded.

“Fine by me. As long as I get coffee… but you must know that I don’t have anything to give back. I don’t have money. Apparently the only thing I own are these boxers,” Winter said. Jacky smiled, he could be nice. As long as she fed him.

“It okay. I do this more, knowing that I help people is worth more than money,” she said softly. Winter looked up. Jacky knew instantly that she was going to buy lots of coffee. Something in her told her that he loved coffee more than anything.


	3. Culture Shock

Frowning, Jacky looked at all the different coffee brands. She wasn’t a big coffee fan, a cup once a week was nice, not more. That’s why she had absolutely no idea what to pick for Winter.

“Do you remember what you had before?” Jacky asked. She looked around her, wondering where Winter was. The man was just standing next to her a second ago. He was like a child, walking towards what was interesting. Jacky picked up her basket and walked out the aisle. The man was standing next to candy, but his eyes weren’t focused on those. No, Winter was looking at two girls, picking out dairy. For Jacky, the girls were completely normal. But from the look at his face, he didn’t agree.

“It’s rude to look at people like that,” Jacky whispered. Winter turned his face and frowned.

“Why on earth are people dressing like that? Why are women dressing immodest?” He asked. Jacky looked at the girls. They were wearing shorts and crop tops. It wasn’t Jacky’s taste, but it wasn’t shocking. She had seen worse.

“What? They are just wearing clothes?” Winter took Jacky’s arm and pulled her back, towards the coffee. He was clearly confused, as if he had never seen girls like this before.

“I never noticed how girls dress themselves. Is it normal to show that much skin?” he asked. Jacky turned towards the coffee again and nodded.

“It is. Most girls like to show their good body points. Lately the world is really focused on butts,” she said. Winter looked around him.

“Most of them don’t even have butts to show,”. Winter’s comment made Jacky laugh. She agreed, but as long people liked the way they dressed, she was fine with it. As long as she didn’t have to wear it.

“Why don’t you dress like that?” Winter asked. Jacky looked down at her clothes. As a child she loved to wear dresses, she still wore them, when the weather was nice. Today she was wearing a blue dress, just above her knee.

“As you said, you can’t show something you don’t have. I don’t have a big butt. And I don’t like having shorts. This is enough skin,” she said. Winter looked behind him, still shocked by what he saw.

“What coffee do you want? I don’t have time to stand here for hours. What did you used to drink?” Jacky asked impatiently. Winter sighted and looked back at the coffee choices. He too looked confused by all the different brands.

“They just gave me some, I have no idea what to pick,” he said after a few minutes. He sighed. Winter looked clearly off guard. The confident man sitting in her apartment was completely gone.

“Who are they?” Jacky softly asked. The man frowned and took the basket from her. He picked up two pots of coffee and started walking.

“Let’s go home. I don’t like it here. I want to leave,” he said. He started to walk fast, again. Jacky needed to run to keep up with him.

“Winter, slow down! Jeez, you’ve been outside for god knows how long and now you start to dislike it? Haven’t you opened your eyes for eh…your whole life!?” Jacky said. They finally made it to the self check-out. Winter picked everything out of the basket and Jacky scanned it.

“I’ve only been homeless for two days. And where I lived, the girls didn’t dress like this,” he said. Jacky put everything in brown paper bags, that she gave to Winter. She thought that he would protest with the idea that he needed to carry things, but to her surprise, he was totally fine with it.

“Where did you live?” Jacky asked, while she paid. Winter walked passed her, out of the store.

“Could you stop being so curious? For god sake, it’s like you’re a cop,” he said. Jacky frowned and looked in front of her. She knew that his answers were just his insecurity, but she was dying to know more about him. There was something about Winter that was so different from other men. Not the nasty comments, he was not the first one. It was something in his eyes that was different.

“I’m just trying to show some interest in you. Sorry if that’s a crime to you. And could you please tell me your name? I hate to call you Winter,” Jacky said. Winter sighed.

“As I said before. The less you know, the better it is. I’ll help you out, if I can stay at your place. That’s it, nothing more,” he said. Jacky didn’t open her mouth for the rest of the walk. She wanted to respect his request, but she was too curious, just like he said. They walked up to the apartment, where Winter put the bags on the counter.

“Shall I teach you how to make coffee?” Jacky asked. Winter looked up and nodded. For the first time she saw curiosity in his eyes.

“Do men wear weird clothes just like woman do?” Winter asked, while they were making coffee. Jacky started laughing and nodded.

“Yeah. Woman wear too tight clothes and men too big. They wear jeans that hang below their butt, so we can see their underwear,” Jacky chuckled. Winter smiled for a second.

“Fashion is dead,” he said. Jacky laughed. From the cupboard, she took a cup, so Winter could fill it with coffee. Jacky felt how Rex put his wet nose to her leg. He needed the attention he normally got.

“You know, if you could take Rex out for a walk, when it’s time, that would be nice. We can go together the first few times and after that, you can go alone,” Jacky said. Winter looked behind him.

“Sure, I know the way around here. You don’t need to walk with me. I’ll go after my coffee,” he said. Jacky nodded. It will work out, Winter was slowly getting to a point where she could normally talk to him.


	4. Thunderstorm

Winter and Jacky lived together for a week now. Normally, she would kick people out after a few days. Most of them didn’t do more than sleeping on her couch and eat everything, others would throw nasty comment towards her. Winter was still annoying with his answers, but he helped her in the household. He walked hours with Rex, cooked and made sure that the living room stayed clean. Living with him wasn’t easy (not that she thought it would be), but it was something different. He kept amazing her with his questions about, for her, normal things. He was a dork sometimes, when she wasn’t in the room she could hear him talking to Rex. Or Harassment, as Winter liked to call him. Jacky did notice how bad he slept. The walls of her apartment where thin and Jacky is a light sleeper. She could hear him walking around, mumbling about things. When Jacky asked about it, he said she didn’t need to worry about it. It did worry her though. She was scared that he got ill, because he barely slept.

Tonight wasn’t any different than other nights. She had transformed the couch in a bed again and put a cup of hot chocolate on the table. Winter loved hot chocolate before he went to sleep (even though he didn’t really sleep).

“You know, I think it’s a good idea if we are going to make a plan,” Jacky said, as she stood up. Winter raised an eyebrow.

“About?” he carefully asked. Jacky walked back to the kitchen, where she made her own cup of hot chocolate milk. Winter probably got that habit from her, she also drank chocolate milk before going to bed.

“Your life. I think it is good to make a resume. There are a lot of places here that want to hire a strong men like you. You can save some money and when you have enough we can look for your own apartment. You can’t stay here forever, you know. It’s important to pick up your life,” Jacky said. She walked back to Winter, who was sitting in the chair with one of her books.

“I can’t work,” he simply said, before returning to his story. Now it was Jacky’s turn to raise an eyebrow.

“Kidding? Of course you can,”. Winter sighted and closed his book.

“I’m not alive for the state… I think. I don’t have a passport, nor any kind of identification. So I can’t work. And I can’t go to simply pick one up. It’s complicated. I thought this was going well. You work, I work here and so we live happily ever after,” he said. The last sentence was full of sarcasm. Jacky took Winter his pillow en threw it to his head. Winter chuckled and caught the pillow without any problem.

“What the hell do you mean you’re not alive for the state?! You can’t live here forever in my apartment! I have a life too, you know?! I can’t invite dates inside, because here you are. You need to get your life together,” Jacky said. Winter raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah, you are really putting your love life aside for me. How many dates did you miss? Negative one?” he asked. It were this kind of discussions that where terrible. Somehow Winter always won.

“Look, I’ll explain it later. It… eh…it’s complicated. Just let me rest for a few days, okay? And if I’m really annoying you can kick me out without any problem. Drink you chocolate milk and go to bed, you look tired,” Winter said. He gave her a forced smile.

“I’m getting tired because of your secrets. How on earth can you live with so many secrets,” Jacky said, desperately. She wasn’t curious anymore, she was worried. She felt like Winter was in big trouble and she was worried that he would hurt himself. Jacky wanted to help him.

“Jacky, go to bed. I’ll explain it later. Thanks for you chocolate milk,” he said softly. Jacky rolled her eyes and took a sip from her drink.

“Whatever. Good night winter. Be sure to close the window, there is a storm coming up,” Jacky sighted. She walked in her room and drank her chocolate milk, while reading a page from her book. After her drink, she made herself ready for bed. Rex was sleeping on the ground, right next to her. He was growling in his sleep. It didn’t took long before Jacky felt asleep. For five straight hours, she could sleep without any interruptions. When the clock passed 4 o ‘clock, thunder started to fill the silence. Jacky opened her eyes and sighted. She could never sleep when it was thundering. Jacky could here Winter moving around in the living room. Normally she stayed in her bed, waiting till she started to sleep again. But she couldn’t sleep with thunder, maybe she could talk better with Winter if he was sleepy. Jacky stepped out of her bed and walked out of her bedroom. She expected Winter standing in room, but he was gone.

“Winter?!” She asked. She could hear him breathing.

“Are you okay?”. Winter was in the kitchen, hiding under the table. His legs where pulled up to his chest and his face was hidden behind his knees.

“Winter, what is going on?” She asked. The clouds rumbled again and the men made himself even smaller. He wasn’t just scared of thunder. Jacky knew people who are scared and they acted different. He acted like soldiers on the fourth of July. His entire body was shaking and his body was soaked with sweat. Jacky pushed the chair out of the way, so she could sit next to him.

“It’s okay Winter. You are save, you are in a nice, warm apartment with a crazy girl and her dog,” She whispered. Jacky put her arm around Winter his shoulders.

“I’m with you, I’m here,”. Jacky leaned with her head against Winter his broad shoulder. He was breathing so fast. Jacky and Winter where sitting there for hours. The thunderstorm staid for two hours, Winter stayed in this position for another hour. Winter breathed deep in and looked up, to Jacky.

“Sorry, I…I didn’t want to wake you up. Just ignore me the next time,” he whispered. Jacky laughed and shook her head.

“Are you crazy? Winter, you’re my friend. You needed me and I am here for you. Come on, Winter. You are not alone. I have a good idea, you are going in bath. I know I said it was forbidden, but I’m feeling generous today. Put in some nice smelling soap and relax. I am going to make a really big breakfast. After that you are going in my bed, having a real bed for a real sleep,” she smiled. Winter looked confused.

“You are way too nice, people will take advantage of that,” he said. Jacky chuckled.

“Only to people who deserve it. You are a friend, my friend. I take care of my friends. Come on, get your ass in that bathroom,” she laughed. Slowly Jacky started to know Winter. She realised that he probably was a soldier, there is a big change he lost his arm in war, it had been a long time since people where nice to him. Winter was complicated, but she would get to know him better. Someday she will know what was behind ‘Winter’.


	5. James Buchanan Barnes

Winter hadn’t change since the thunderstorm. He didn’t talk about it, but she could notice that he was grateful. One day, after walking with Rex, he bought her chocolates. It was from her money, what she haven’t given to him… but the idea behind it was sweet. Whenever she asked what the reason was that he got scared, he shrugs and walked away. It was the same reaction as when she asked who he was. Jacky could do whatever she wanted, but he never said anything. She stopped asking after a few days, he would tell it when he was ready. 

Jacky her short vacation from the hospital had ended, what meant that she had to leave Winter alone in her apartment. It was scary, she didn’t trust him completely. That why she had put her most valuable stuff in her handbag. She called home in her break, to hear that Winter was home. After her 8 hours shift, she hopefully walked back home. She found Winter cooking.

“How’s work?” He asked. Jacky smiled. It was a big risk, but it was worth bringing Winter home. She walked towards him, to see what he was cooking. Chili was getting warm in the pan. It smelled great.

“Intense. Working in the ER is always intense,” she sighted. Winter nodded, without looking at her.

“I am going to change myself, I want to get out of these clothes. How long before it’s ready?” Jacky asked. Winter pouted his lips and shrugs.

“About ten minutes? It’s done when it’s done,” he said. Jacky rolled her eyes and walked away from the men. She went for a speed shower and change herself in her usual dress. Just when she walked out of the bathroom, Winter walked with two plates towards the TV.

“It is getting a bad habit to eat in front of the TV. We should eat at the dining table, that’s why it has that name. To dine,” Jacky said. Winter ignored her and sat down in the chair. Without looking at Jacky, he put the TV on the local news. A pretty, blonde woman was sitting behind her desk, while reading what the news was. Next to her face was a picture that was really familiar.

“Police is still looking for the men who fought against Captain America. Authorities last saw him helping Steve Rogers to get out of the water. After that, every trail vanished. People who have tips about the whereabouts of James Buchanan Barnes or better known as Winter soldier , can call the number we are showing below. The golden tip will be rewarded with two thousand dollars. More news will follow,” she read, while Jacky stared at the picture of Winter. The man on the chair sighted and picked up her telephone.

“Be quick, before the number disappears,” he said. Jacky didn’t know what to do. The man she was living with for the past two weeks appeared to be the Winter soldier. An assassin, a men feared by many. 

“What the hell was that?!” Jacky yelled. Winter sighted and put the phone down.

“That was you losing 2k just because you are slow,” Winter…or James…whoever the hell he was, said. Jacky closed her hands around her head. She couldn’t believe it.

“Could you shut up?! They are seeking for you and you are happily walking around! I will get in trouble for that!” Jacky yelled. Winter got up and walked towards Jacky. He carefully placed his hands against her shoulders.

“I made sure nobody recognised me. You really think I will take the change to lose all of this? Blondie, you are the first nice person I have met in a long time. I might be old, but I’m not stupid,” he said. Jacky looked surprised at Winter, she didn’t want to believe it. The man smiled and let her shoulder go.

“I’m leaving, okay? You don’t have to worry,” he said. Jacky frowned and tried to grab his hand, but he pushed her hand away.

“No! Don’t you dare to get that ass out of this apartment, Winter!” Jacky yelled. Winter looked behind him and laugh softly.

“What on earth do you think you are going to do? I can’t tell you what you want to hear! It’s not save,” it was the first time he raised his voice against her. Jacky shook her head and walked towards the door. In complete silence, she leaned against the only way out.

“Yeah, your 50 kilos are really going to stand in my way to get out. Blondie, move. I can do this the easy way or the hard way,” Winter said. Jacky took Winter his hand.

“I want to help you. I want to get through this together. You need someone and I can be that person. Just tell me what is going on!” Jacky said. Winter frowned and shook his head.

“Blondie, I can’t tell you. Please, just let me go. I’ll go out of your way. You can live your life and have billions of dates and I will go somewhere else,” Winter said.

“No! What is the worst thing that can happen? Why don’t you want to tell me what your story is?! Just tell it and I will judge after that if you can stay or not, deal?” She asked, hopeful.

“I didn’t want to tell you, because I was worried that I would hurt you. Sit down, eat and I’ll tell you my story, okay…for as far as I know it,” he said. Jacky nodded and let Winter guide her to the couch.

“For as long as I knew I worked for this…place. They are called Hydra. It was my job to get rid of people…if you know what I mean. I needed to kill Captain America, he was my mission. But he recognised me. He said a name… my name a guess. He said that my name was Bucky, but I don’t know if it’s true. After a big fight I had the change to kill him…but I couldn’t. He didn’t fight me, he made sure I didn’t die. He let me kill him. I helped him. After I made sure he was save, I walked away. I robbed a store for clothes and got food from stealing money. I slept in the park and then I met Harassment. I don’t remember someone being so nice for me, I wasn’t here for killing. You gave me things and you showed me that you cared. You care about me and I’m scared that you will leave me as soon as you knew this. I was scared that Hydra would get to you, when they realised that you knew things about me. Well, you got your story. Is it as amazing as you hoped?” Winter said. He raised his eyebrows and leaned back against the chair. Even though he acted all tuff, she could hear his emotions in his voice. He really was scared and he really wanted to stay here.

“I know I did bad things, and I want to change that,” Winter said. Jacky looked up. His blue eyes looked worried, scared.

“So what are you know?” Jacky asked. Winter shrugs.

“They did something , I don’t know what but it hurt a lot. They made me forget things… I have holes in my memory. Eat your chili, I did a good job and you’re letting it cool down,” Winter said. Jacky took her plate and started to eat. She wasn’t hungry, not at all. Not after a mind blowing story as this.

“So your name is James Buchanan Barnes. I thought you were a soldier with PTSS, not a killer who had regrets,”. James started to laugh.

“Yeah, you were really wrong there. I don’t even know what I am. I don’t even know why I acted that they with the thunderstorm. But I did realise that you liked me for me, and not for my abilities,” James said. He took his one plate and started to eat.

“They gave you that arm?” Jacky asked. James looked to his left and nodded.

“I can remember that I woke up, not having my under arm. After that there is this doctor, he removed the rest of it. And then I woke up with this shining beauty,” James said, while raising his metal arm. Jacky still didn’t realise that this was really happening. He didn’t want to believe that a man as stupid and sweet as James, what a killer. She shook her head and closed her eyes.

“God James, please tell me that this is a bad dream,” Jacky said. She could hear James move around. Jacky opened her eyes and looked at Bucky, sitting next to her.

“Darling, I’m a nightmare, dressed like a daydream,” he chuckled. Jacky frowned and took James his pillow, to slap it against his head.

“Goddamnit! Don’t drag Taylor Swift in this. James this is a real situation! You are a killer, they are looking for you and YOU ARE IN MY APPARTMENT!” Jacky yelled. James took her hand and kissed her fingers.

“I’m sorry. I know this is a serious situation. Every night I stay awake to look for a plan, doubting between leaving the best thing I ever had or staying with what makes me happy. As you said, we are friends. I am trying to make this problem less a problem for you. I am trying to protect you. I am sorry I’m dragging you in to this. You are a really good person and I’m taking advantage of it. If you want, I’m leaving you. I will pick my boxers and will disappear out of your life,” James said. Jacky sighted. How on earth could she got in this mess. She wasn’t going to invite people over, never. James was an amazing example of something she didn’t want again. But she wasn’t going to leave him. She wasn’t able to leave him.

“You do know that you are a stupid ass, right? I hate you so much at this moment. You can stay, but no more secrets. We are going to find out who you are and you are working with me. I don’t care that you can kill people with an eyelash, I will kick your ass if you try to work against my plan,” Jacky said. James put a hand in the air and against his chest.

“I am going to listen. I’m not sure if I’m able to stop being a jerk,” he said. Jacky smiled and nodded. James dropped his arms and looked down to the floor.

“I know that I’m joking around, but I really mean it. I want to be here, with you and the dog. For the first time in my life I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to react. So I’m doing this. I really appreciate what you are doing for me and I know how much it takes for you to do this. Trusting me with your belongings, your dog. You are amazing. I am really sorry that I’m dragging you in my mess. It…it is that I don’t have someone. I don’t know who I am and I don’t know what to do. I would be lost without you,” he said. Jacky smiled, she put her plate on the table and closed her arms around James his neck.

“You are not alone, James, I’m here with you. We are going to solve this by looking up who you are,” Jacky said. James closed one arm around her back and pulled her closer.

“I don’t know where to start though, so it might take a while,” Jacky said softly. James chuckled.

“No surprise, Blondie. Take your time, I like being here,” he said. Jacky pressed a kiss to James his cheek. She still wasn’t sure that this was happening. She still had doubts and she still didn’t know if this was the right thing. But Jacky was willing to fight for this jerk, because he was her friend. They are going through this, together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Somehow i'm not really happy with it, but on the other hand i am? I don't know hmm. Hope you enjoyed it anyways :)


	6. the Smithsonian

Jacky was able to clear her head, after a good night sleep. It was clear by now that Winter, was James. He was an assassin, who was trying to better his life. James wasn’t the men who they imagined on the news. Jacky couldn’t picture how James was this…killer.

“They know more about me here,”. James his voice popped Jacky her thoughts. Jacky was free today and James took that time to look up more information about him. He was sitting quietly in the corner for about an hour, just surfing on the internet. Jacky walked towards James and sat down next to him on the ground. She didn’t own a laptop, James was the one to convince her to buy a laptop. The blonde woman was terrible with technologies. She still had a Nokia. For het last birthday she got an I-pad, but she barely uses it. James couldn’t work with the I-pad, because it didn’t react to his left arm. That was the reason why Jacky and James where up early to buy a new laptop. The man had a website before them from the Smithsonian. Jacky frowned.

“The Smithsonian?” she mumbled. James scrolled down and nodded. There was a Captain America exhibition.

“He said he knew me. If we were a team, they must know. Right?” James asked. Jacky turned her head towards James, who looked hopeful.

“Probably. Put on some clothes, we’re going,” Jacky said. James made it a habit to get rid of his shirt, as soon as he came home. It wasn’t weird, because he still had one shirt. The one he came in with. So Jacky got that he was getting sick of it.

“And we are buying you some shirts,” Jacky said, while getting up from the ground. James chuckled and closed the laptop.

“You like it, don’t act like you hate it,”. Jacky picked up his shirt from the ground and threw it towards him. She was extremely clean, especially with Rex losing his fur. But James loved to leave his stuff everywhere. He was a real slob.

“Get your shirt on, or I’m going with Rex,” Jacky said. She waited until the man had his clothes back on and picket his cap from the table. It took a while before James and Jacky where on their way to the Smithsonian. The man was really slow, when he needed to do something. The stereotype for woman was made for James, even though he wasn’t a woman. When they finally got downstairs, he put his arm around her shoulders.

“Shall we get some ice-cream? It’s a long walk towards the Smithsonian,” Jacky said. James pushed his cap further down his face, to make sure nobody could recognize him.

“Yeah, I like that,” he smiled. Jacky closed her arm around James his back and smiled. It was nice having James around. The woman got a little lonely, time to time. Most of her friends got married and have children, so they don’t have time for her. And that’s normal, if it was Jacky, she didn’t want to think about friend either. Family is way more important. But it was a lonely life. Having something to care about is nice.

“Do you know anything about Captain America?”. Once again James’s voice pop her thoughts. She looked up and shrugged.

“I’ve heard others talk about him. They said that he was this soldier from the 40’s. He was frozen when he tried to save the world. A few years ago he showed up and here he is,” she said. James frowned.

“If he lived in the 40’s… and he and I where friends…that would mean that I’m way too old,” he said. There felt a silence between the two of them. He spoke the truth, James would be almost 100 years old. Jacky didn’t know how it was possible, because the men looked like he was 25 or something.

“I don’t know. I am a nurse, but I have no clue how that can happen,” she said. James pulled her closer and nodded.

“Let’s figure out where you are from and who you are. And maybe we can contact Captain America, he knows you best. He can explain what’s wrong,” Jacky said. James nodded. She knew that he couldn’t leave that thought alone, his eyes looked troubled.

“Here, let’s get some ice-cream. We are going to find everything out, okay,” Jacky smiled. He looked up and nodded. They let each other go, so Jacky was able to order two chocolate ice cream cones.

“I can’t remember the last time I had this,” James said softly. He took his cone and started licking. Together, they started to walk towards the Smithsonian. They didn’t say a worth. The idea that James could be so old was a mood killer. How on earth could he be that old without looking like her grandfather? When they came at the Smithsonian, Jacky stopped with walking. James looked confused behind him.

“You need to do this alone, I walk behind you,” Jacky said. She didn’t want to confuse him more with her questions, she was here for support. James smiled and continued his path. Jacky stayed behind him. They paid the entrance and went to the Captain America exhibition. Jacky stopped by the wall, while her eyes followed James. She was worried that he didn’t get the answers he wanted. Maybe they didn’t have answers at all. She crossed her arms before her chest and leaned against the wall. James froze at one point. His eyes looked glued to this point at the wall. He stayed like this for a good five minutes, before he looked up to Jacky. This was a sign for her that she could walk up to him.

“Did you find something?” She asked. De man pointed towards the wall, where there was a big picture of a handsome man. It was an exact twin of James, except from the fact that he had short hair. Next to the picture there was a written story about the men.

“That’s me,” James said softly. The story explained that James was Steve Rogers best friend, but died. He was born in 1917, what made him 97.

“What if they kept erasing my mind, so I forgot how old I am,” James said. He wrapped his arm around Jacky, to pull her close.

“But that doesn’t explain why you look so young,” she said. James showed the palm of his metallic hand.

“If there are people who can make this in 1944, than there are people who can make me… young,” he said softly. Jacky looked around her, watching if people didn’t listen to their conversation.

“I think it’s a good idea to leave. People might recognize you,” Jacky whispered. James sighted. He must be confused, realising that his mission was his best friend. That he is almost 100 years old. Jacky would completely lose her calm if this would happen to her.

“Come, I’ll give you a big hamburger and a milkshake so you can process all of this mess,” Jacky smiled. She took James his hand and pulled him out of the room. Jacky felt sorry for James. It must be terrible to hear all of this. When they got outside, Jacky stopped walking.

“Okay, new plan! We are going to have a big dinner, like I just said. And then we are going to look for the famous Captain America. He went through the same stuff as you did, he can help you the best. I am going to make sure you can start working again, so you can have a life. You have lived in the shadow for long enough,” Jacky smiled. The man frowned and pulled a strand of hair out of her face.

“Let’s eat first and do the rest later,” he said. Jacky smiled and hooked her arm round James’s arm. She needed to cheer him up a bit. The men might needed someone who keeps the situation a bit lighter. He needed her and Jacky was here for him.


	7. Revenge

Jacky thought it might be a good idea to eat something, the news that James got wasn’t easy and she wanted to cheer him up. If he really was from the 40’s, he could use a place that was dressed like that. He might even remember something. Jacky knew this place, where she and her brother ate a lot of hamburgers. It wasn’t the best place for food, but it looked nice and the people were sweet. James opened the door and let Jacky walk in. He still had his good manners. They choose a booth and sat down. 

“How do you feel?” Jacky asked. She was worried that he might fall in a depression or worse. James had been through a lot of stuff. 

“I feel surprisingly good. I know more about me. Steve is my friend… my name is James Buchanan Barnes and my friends used to call me Bucky. I feel strength to fight against the people who put me through this, who took me out of my life,” he said. Jacky frowned, that was a reaction she didn’t expect. 

“Why on earth would I start to act all depressed? It won’t help me to sit in a corner and cry. I want… no I deserve revenge, and I will get it,” he said. James took the menu card and started reading. Jacky couldn’t believe that James could be so positive about this. 

“Here is the menu. You can call me Bucky, I don’t like how James sounds. It’s too fancy. Bucky sounds better. You are taking a hamburger right? You can use some fat on your bones,” he said. Jacky got confused by James… or Bucky. This was the third time he changed his name and why on earth was he interfering with her food. 

“Okay, Bucky. And yes, I’m taking a burger. What is your idea for revenge?” Jacky asked. Bucky crossed his arms over his chest and pouted his lips. 

“Can I help you?”. A sweet voice interrupted the conversation. A blond girl, with a white apron and a notebook in her hands, was standing beside their both. She had a great smile, but her brown eyes showed that she was tired. 

“Two burgers and chocolate milkshakes please,” Jacky smiled. The girl wrote it down and nodded. 

“I will serve it soon, thank you,” she said friendly. She put her note block in her apron and walked away. Bucky leaned with his arms on the tables, so he could talk easier to Jacky. 

“I’ve been used as a tool to kill… god may know how many people. They almost made me kill the last straw from my past, my best friend. They have pulled me apart and made their own monster. If that’s not enough for revenge, than I don’t know what it is,” he said. Jacky wasn’t a person who believed in revenge, she believed that if someone did something bad, they will get what they deserve. 

“You know that I have no clue what they did to you. To be honest I don’t think I can imagine what people like that put you through. But I do know that they didn’t make a monster. If you give a child a gun and tell them day after day that killing another child is okay, they start to believe that. That doesn’t make them a monster, just a victim. That’s the same with you,” she said. Bucky smiled and leaned back against the couch he was sitting in.

“I want to protect you. They might look for me and I don’t want you to stand in between that,” Bucky said softly. His smile disappeared and his eyes got serious. It scared Jacky that he took this so serious. She could be in danger, just for talking to Bucky. 

“I’m not going to leave you alone, if they knew that you even looked at me they might do something. The only way I can protect you is by staying with you. I’m not saying this to scare you, but I want you to know that there might be people looking for me. Don’t worry, you are safe with me,” Bucky smiled. The blonde girl came back with two plates and milkshakes. 

“Here is your order, enjoy your meal. If you need anything, just call me,” she said friendly. Now that there was food in front of Jacky, she realized how hungry she was, even though after the news from Bucky. 

“Well, it’s good to know that I might get killed anytime soon,” she said. Bucky chuckled and picked up his burger. It was weird thinking that someone wanted to hurt her, just to get to Bucky. He was so sweet and protective, she couldn’t believe that he was hanging out with those kind of people. 

“Jacky, don’t be scared. I would do everything in my power to protect you. You are the one that looked after me when I needed someone the most. Don’t worry about it, Blondie,” Bucky chuckled with his mouth full of burger. 

“Don’t talk with your mouth full! Dirty. I’ll try not to think about it. I think a man like you… with your background is the best kind of bodyguard, besides I got Rex,” Jacky smiled. Bucky winked and ate more of his burger. 

“Then it’s going to be time to call my old friend,” Bucky said softly. Jacky had no idea how to contact Steve Rogers. She knew nothing about him and a person like him is protected better than most celebrities. They needed to find out where Steve hangs out and go there. Jacky had no idea that this was going to be such a big problem. The man she found outside in the park had put her in the biggest adventure ever. 

“Eat your burger or I’m going to eat it!” Bucky said, before stealing some fries. Jacky slapped his hand and started to laugh. 

“Idiot,” she smiled.


	8. Captain America

To find Steve Rogers, was as expected, hard. They couldn’t you started screaming that they wanted to meet him. People would find Bucky and they might take him away from his save place, from her. Jacky needed to find a way to communicate with Steve. A week had past, when Bucky came up with his own idea. 

“What if you just look up where he lives, break in and wait for him to return home?” he asked. They both were sitting at the dining table, eating the dish that Bucky made. It became a natural habit that Jacky would work and Bucky made dinner. He never left the building, except from walking Rex. Jacky frowned. 

“No, we can’t just break in someone’s house,” Jacky said. Bucky smiled and stuffed his mouth full. He stayed quite for a few seconds, before he started with his ideas again. 

“Of course we can. I did it all the time,” he said. Bucky leaned back against the chair and sighted. The man already finished his dinner, even though Jacky wasn’t even close to finishing. 

“I don’t want to end up in jail because you want to break in Steve’s house,” Jacky said. She pushed her plate towards Bucky, who started to eat again. It was normal for the two of them to share food…well Jacky giving her food to Bucky. 

“I’ll go alone,”. Jacky got up from her chair to get dessert from the fridge. 

“No, you are not going alone. You’re not on your own anymore. I just think it’s not safe to break in to Captain America his house. He is freaking Captain America. It would be dumb if he didn’t secure his house. And what if he brings someone home?” Jacky said. She put the two desserts on the table and sat down again. 

“He won’t, let’s go. We might find a key. You are stupid enough to lay a key underneath your doormat. Maybe he is as naïve as you are,” Bucky smiled. Jacky looked up and took the second dessert away from Bucky. 

“With every mean comment, I will take away something you love. Fine, we will go! But I swear to god, if I get in trouble I will take away more than just your dessert,” Jacky said. Bucky showed a proud smile. It was going to be a bad idea and Jacky would never do such a stupid thing. Since Bucky lived with her she did dozens of things she wasn’t comfortable with. She wanted to help him the best she could and that resulted in her doing stupid stuff. It was weird to believe that she actually did this, she wouldn’t do this for any other guy. Bucky was special, stupid, but special. 

“Are you ready, Blondie?” Bucky asked. Jacky did the dishes, while the man was working on something in the bedroom. She looked up, to see him in a black suit, the same one that they showed in the news. She had never seen it in real live before. 

“How did you get that?” she asked. Jacky putted away the last plate and walked up towards Bucky. Her eyes followed the patterns of the small belts and pockets. They were all full with stuff, probably some kind of weapon. 

“When I stole my clothes, I putted this away somewhere same. I picked it up a few days ago and it was laying underneath your bed,” he said. Jacky her eyes went down his arm, to see a gun in his hand. Of course he had one. It didn’t even surprise her. 

“I never thought there would come a day where I wasn’t surprised by a gun. Could you please put it away?! For god sakes it’s not necessary,” she sighted. Bucky rolled his eyes. They waited until it was dark outside, so nobody could see Bucky. After looking up Steve Rogers his home address, they started to walk. In complete silence they walked in the alleys. It was an hour long walk towards the house, Jacky didn’t even know where the hell they were. 

“Stay behind me and do whatever I say. That means, don’t open your big mouth,” Bucky said. They were standing in the bushes, before an apartment building. All lights were out, what was good thing. Bucky took her hand and they started to walk again.   
“This is the most stupid idea ever,” Jacky said, as Bucky forced the first lock. The man looked behind him with an angry look in his eyes. 

“What don’t you understand? Shut up!” he whispered. They got in and started to walk towards the stairs. It was amazing to hear how soft Bucky walked. She weight less, but made way more sound than Bucky. They got on the floor where Steve lived, now it was time for the second lock. Bucky kneeled and started to work on the lock. It took him a few seconds, before the door popped open. The man got up and stepped in the apartment.

“Close the door behind you,” Bucky whispered. He clicked his flashlight on and looked around. Jacky closed the door and stepped next to the man. 

“Well Blondie, here we are. How does it feel? Breaking the law and all? Sit down, I don’t think it will take long before he will show up,” Bucky said. It was weird walking in someone else’s apartment. Especially in an apartment that is amazingly clean. She sat down in a chair and Bucky kept standing in front of her. He was protecting her. If Steve did something, he didn’t want Jacky to be hurt. 

“It was a better idea if you stayed home. It was stupid to take you with me,” Bucky said softly. Jacky rolled her eyes. 

“Like I would let you walk around on your own, it’s not li…-“ Bucky pressed his hand against her mouth. He heard foot steppes in the hallway. The flashlight went out, a second before the front door opened. A blond, tall man walked in his apartment. He had ear buds in and was wearing sport clothes. He pushed the lights on and wanted the walk. He saw Bucky and froze. His blue eyes were completely focussed on his best friend. He probably haven’t even seen Jacky. 

“Bucky?” Steve asked quietly. The man pulled his ear buds out and stepped towards Bucky. 

“Yeah, I guess. They all call me like that, so I’m supposed that it’s my name,” Bucky smiled. His gaze was on the floor. Bucky was ashamed that he had hurt Steve, that he wanted to kill him. Somewhere he was scared that Steve would reject him. 

“Sorry for leaving you, I wanted to find out who I was before. O...eh this is Jacky. She helped me, finding who I was. She wanted to come with me… so yeah,”. It was the first time that Jacky saw the insecurity in Bucky. Jacky wanted to help him, but she wasn’t able to. Steve was the only one who could help him. 

“Punk!” Steve yelled, before he closed his arms around Bucky. The brunette was clearly surprised by the hug. He looked back at Jacky, not knowing what to do. Jacky smiled and nodded in approval. Slowly, Bucky closed his arms around Steve his big body. They would be okay. Jacky knew that they would be best friends again, that Bucky would learn who he really was and what happened to him.


	9. A new friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE THIS CHAPTERRR it's so nice to have more persons and more interaction c:

It was nice to see the two man awkwardly talk to each other. Both of them where sitting by the kitchen table, with a cup of tea. Jacky was sitting in her chair, with a drink and a cookie that Steve gave her. She didn’t want to interrupt the small talk that was going on, so she kept looking at them. 

“Where did you find him?” Steve asked. His blue eyes looked directly at Jacky. His hand clutched the cup he was holding, as if he was scared that it would walk away. The man was scared that it was a dream. It couldn’t possibly be true that Bucky just walked…no broke, in his apartment. The man that he lost 70 years ago, the man that attacked him. That same man was sitting across from him, with a strange girl. 

“Oh, I didn’t. My dog, Rex, found him. Bucky was sleeping in the park and my dog loves to sniff homeless people. I took him in, I only discovered his past a few days ago. We tried to find you so you could help him,” Jacky explained. She took a sip from her tea and smiled. Bucky pulled the chair next to him from the table and looked back at the blond girl. 

“Come sit here,” he said. Jacky got up from her chair and walked toward the table. She put her cup on the table and sat down next to Bucky. 

“I’m happy that you came. I’ve people looking for you. My friend, Sam and Natasha. S.H.I.E.L.D. always have their eyes open for you… and all the time you were in a simple apartment,” Steve smiled after a few seconds of complete silence. He took a sip from his tea and looked up towards Bucky. 

“Do you know anything about your past? At all?” he asked. Bucky shook his head. He still didn’t look Steve directly in the eye. 

“I was this small, thin and sickly boy. You worked in the army, had many friends and god…the girls just piled up right before you feet. You saved me millions of times when I was in a fight. You got send out and I didn’t see you after that. I met this doctor and he accepted me in the army. That was my big dream, to defend this country from the bullies that there are inside. He…made me like this. He made me Captain America. But instead of fighting, I became a mascot. When I heard that you didn’t return I left what I was doing and started looking for you. I found you…in this lab. He did something with you, what might explain why you are alive today. We went to war together, with the Howling Commands. I lost you in a train fight. I couldn’t catch, you fell and didn’t look for you. I thought you were dead. It was my fault that this happened to you. I won the fight against ‘the bullies’, but I lost myself. I got frozen and was found about a year ago. And ever since that moment I’m here, fighting for this country… looking for you. God I’m so happy that you are alive, that you are save. I can’t thank you enough, Jacky,” Steve said. He rubbed his eyes and forced a big smile. 

“I did deserve that bullet between the ribs! It was a good payback,” he chuckled. Bucky shifted uncomfortable on his chair. He shuck and looked up towards Steve for the first time. 

“It is okay. I’m not mad for something I can’t even remember. And without it, I would be dead. I wouldn’t have the pleasure to meet Jacky and see this weird world right now. And I wouldn’t have this amazing arm. I kicked your ass with it,” Bucky chuckled. Both men started to laugh, what took the edge of a bit. They started to talk about more casual stuff and about the future. Steve wanted to help Bucky, to get a job and starting to life again. The three of them kept talking until the clock passed the 12 and the next day started again. Jacky gave her phone number and home address, so Steve could visit them whenever he wanted. In the darkness of the night, Bucky and Jacky walked back home. They didn’t talk for most of the time. Bucky was processing what happened and Jacky enjoyed walking next to her friend in the darkness. 

“I love how positive you are. You have been through so much and you just keep going,” Jacky said, when they walked in her apartment. Bucky started to take his suite of and smiled proud. 

“It’s hard, honestly. It’s hard to open your eyes and be in a world that you didn’t know. To not even know your own name. Whenever I close my eyes I have these images of pain and suffering. I see faces that make me scared. Your dog wakes me up when I have a nightmare, so that is helpful. A whole ocean is not able to sink a ship, until the water gets in. It’s the same with negativity. It is there and I know that. But it’s not going to drown me. For the first time in a long time, I’m free. And I’m going to enjoy every second out of it. And it helps that I have a person next to me. As you said, I’m not alone. I am slowly getting friends,” Bucky said. He threw his shirt away and let him fall on the ground. It was amazing to hear this. Bucky was wise… a complete idiot, but wise. Jacky smiled and sat down next to him. 

“And if you’re lucky you’ll be the lady’s man again that Steve described,” Jacky chuckled. Bucky started to laugh and pulled the bun out of his hair. 

“At this moment I have one woman in my life, Rex,” Bucky smiled. Jacky slapped his ribs and got up. It was three o’clock in the morning and she was tired. 

“I’m going to sleep. I’ll see you in the morning. I don’t need to work, so I’m going to take you out for breakfast. Goodnight,” Jacky said. Bucky sighted and looked at the couch. It must be exhausting to sleep that much on a couch. She wasn’t a fan of sharing her bed, but she could do it for one night. Bucky deserved a good night sleep after all of this. 

“If you want you can sleep with me in my bed. It’s big enough and it’s better than the couch,” Jacky said. The man looked up and smiled. 

“No touching! Rex might get jealous,” he said. Jacky rolled her eyes and walked in her bedroom.


	10. Jealousy

Bucky acted like a cat. She gave him permission to sleep next to her one time and he kept sneaking in to sleep next to her. Jacky acted like she didn’t like it, but she loved the feeling of his masculine arm around her. And even though he woke her up every night with his nightmares, she loved to comfort him. She loved it when he put his arms around her small body and buried his face in her hair. 

“I like your shampoo,” Bucky whispers. It was early in the morning and he had just woken up from a bad dream. He never told her exactly what he dreamed of all she knows is that it was about pain and his time in Hydra. He had pulled Jacky closer and looked for comfort in her thick blond hair. Bucky didn’t like it when she was looking at him. He probably didn’t want to her to see him scared. 

“You can use it, it’s the pink bottle,” Jacky said softly. She felt Bucky shifting his hand on her stomach. It was normal for them to talk about stuff like this. Small talk, to forget what Bucky had been dreaming. 

“Nah, if I start to smell like you I won’t recognise it when I sniff you,” Bucky chuckled. He yawned and pulled her closer. It was weird to lay like this with Bucky. He was her friend and they hugged more than Jacky and her last boyfriend. Bucky made her feel good and she was scared to get addicted to this feeling. She felt how Bucky pushed a small kiss on her neck. Jacky chuckled softly and turned her head. 

“I’m going to jump in the shower. Are you okay again?” Jacky asked. Bucky let her go and turned around, to show his back. 

“Yeah, I’m good,” he sighted. She didn’t like to leave Bucky alone, but Jacky needed to go to her job. 

“Don’t pull Rex in bed, I don’t want her fur on my pillow. I’ll be back around three. There is something to eat for you. If you need anything, you can call me,” Jacky said. Bucky nodded and pulled the blankets over his head. For Jacky was it the time to shower, dress and eat. Her job started at 6, so she was facing a 9 hour shift. Jacky loved her job. She loved to help people, the contact and the different stories. It helped that she had amazing colleagues. It was an easy day, without any big emergencies. She was still exhausted though. 

“How was your day?” Bucky smiled, when Jacky got back home. She fell on the couch and kicked her shoes away. He walked towards her and sat down next to her on the ground. He was always curious about her workday. 

“Hmm, it was okay. Now that the weather is getting colder, people are coming in more. So I had a lot of false problems. A kid broke his elbow and an elderly woman fell and hit her head. When I was leaving they brought in a car crash patient. They are the worse, always tangled up. I had a man once who was paralyzed from the chest down. It was terrible to tell his parents the news. But today was good,” she smiled. Bucky nodded and got up again. They always drank tea when she got off work, it was a nice way to leave the stress from work behind her. Jacky was getting up, to change her clothes, when someone rang the doorbell. 

“I’ll get it,” Jacky said. She opened the door, expecting Jehovah witnesses or someone to sell a stupid vacuum cleaner. But it was one of her colleagues. Doctor Chase Wilson was a man she worked together with a lot. He was still wearing his uniform, his brown hair was held back with some gel. He smiled and held up her phone. 

“You left this fossil next to mine,” he chuckled, giving the old Nokia back to Jacky. She was probably the only person in the world who wasn’t constantly with her phone. Jacky had lost it already over a dozen time and the Nokia kept returning to her. 

“Thanks! You didn’t have to come all the way here to bring it, you know. I’m in tomorrow, you could give it to me then. But thanks,” she smiled. Chase looked down at his feet and shucked. 

“I had nothing to do anyways,” he said softly. Jacky looked at Bucky, who making two cups of tea. 

“You want to come in? Bucky, can you make an extra cup? Come in Chase, don’t be scared of Rex, she doesn’t do anything,” Jacky smiled. The man stepped in and Jacky closed the door behind him.   
Bucky frowned and walked towards Jacky. He put his hand softly on her shoulder and pulled her back a few inches. 

“Who are you?”. Bucky his voice was low and dark, not the friendly voice she was used to. 

“O…eh… I’m Doctor Chase Wilson. I work together with Jacky, she left her phone and I wanted to bring it back,” Chase said, clearly intimidated by Bucky. Jacky rolled her eyes and pushed Bucky back to his old spot. 

“Stop intimidating my friends! Please make another cup of tea and put on a shirt,” Jacky said. Bucky kept looking at Chase, while picking another cup. 

“He’s a doctor, so he is used to seeing people like this,” he mumbled. Chase looked back to the ground again and stepped towards the door. 

“Your boyfriend is not okay with me here, I get that. If I were him I wouldn’t want another man next to you. It’s okay, I’m leaving,” he said softly. Jacky frowned and put her hand against the door. 

“He is my roommate, not my boyfriend. Don’t be scared of him,” Jacky said. Chase looked up and his smile was forced. 

“We’ll hangout another time. I was just here for your phone. I will see you again tomorrow. I’ll take you out for lunch,” Chase said, before opening the door. Jacky sighted.

“Sure, see you tomorrow. And I’m sorry for Bucky, he’s not used to other people here,” Jacky said. Chase put his hand against her cheek and smiled. 

“It’s okay. See you, have a good day,” Chase said, before leaving. Jacky was angry, Bucky had no right whatsoever to act like that in front of a friend. 

“You are not going to hang out with him,” Bucky said. He proudly put the new cup back and walked towards the table. He sat down on the couch and looked up to her. 

“He is a friend of mine and you chased him away! That is not okay Bucky!” Jacky shouted. The man leaned back against the couch. 

“He was almost drooling on you. You can’t say that you like him. I did you a favour. Come, sit down. I made you some tea,” Bucky said, still proud of his job. 

“No Buck, this isn’t okay. You have no right to do that kind of stuff. Go enjoy your tea alone,” Jacky said. She walked towards her bedroom and closed the door behind him. It was important for Bucky to know that he went a step too far. It was her home and he was chasing people away. Jacky changed her clothes and started to do some cleaning in the bathroom. 

“Jacky? I’m sorry,”. The large man stepped into the bathroom. He stepped towards her and pulled Jacky up off the ground, where she was cleaning the floor. 

“It was wrong of me to act like that. But honestly, I did it without thinking. After a really long time I have someone who treats me with respect and…who loves me. I wanted that and now that I have it I don’t want to lose it. I don’t want some stupid doctor to walk in and steal my girl… my happiness,” Bucky said softly. He closed his hands around her cheeks and pressed a kiss on her forehead. 

“I’m scared that I’ll lose you,” he said. Jacky could hear the emotion in his voice. She could hear how he was trying to hold himself together. His blue eyes looked down on her. Jacky did love him, not as a brother or best friend, but way more. She felt safe with him, she had fun when he was around. Even when he was a complete dick. But she didn’t want to spoil this. Bucky needed rest and having a relationship could be too much. She looked up at him and smiled. 

“You won’t lose me. I’m here for you. I will never leave you,” she said softly. Bucky nodded and pressed a new kiss on her forehead. 

“I’m sorry Jacky. I didn’t want to upset you. I’m going to cook something really nice for you today and I will sleep on the couch, so you have your big bed again,” he smiled. Jacky laughed softly and shook her head. 

“Nah, you can sleep next to me, I like your warmth. I want that dinner though, I’m starving.” jacky chuckled softly. Bucky let her face go and stepped back. 

“I have the tea ready, I re-made it so it’s warm. Please come and drink with me,” he said. Jacky let her cleaning gear fall to the ground and walked with Bucky to the living room. It was complicated what was going on between them. It was clear that they were more than friends, but Jacky didn’t really know how to call what they were.


	11. Nightmare

Bucky got calmer over the days, when Chase was around. Jacky enjoyed being around the doctor, he was nice and really sweet. And the most important thing; he kept her thoughts away from Bucky. If she stayed long enough around Chase, she might start to feel the same thing as she feels for Bucky. She didn’t want to stop Bucky in his process of getting back in life because she had started to fall in love with him. Jacky needed to get over her feelings and leave Bucky more alone. Chase and Jacky have been on three dates now and it was…nice. He was sweet and wanted to do everything to make Jacky smile. 

It was late in the night and Bucky slept, once again, next to Jacky. He was clenching onto his pillow and his forehead was covered in sweat. Rex looked up from his dog pillow, knowing that Bucky had a nightmare again. The dog got up and jumped on the bed. She barked and curled up next to the man.

“Shut up,” Jacky mumbled. The dog looked up and barked again. The blonde girl opened her eyes and turned around. She hated it when Rex jumped on the bed. On first notice, she wanted to push Rex away. But Jacky saw how Bucky was acting. 

“Buck, hey, wake-up,” Jacky said, while pushing Bucky. The man frowned and growled softly. He turned onto his back and opened his eyes. His pupils where blown with fear and his breathing was fast. 

“Please tell me what you are dreaming, they seem to get worse,” Jacky said softly. It took Bucky a few minutes before he was able to realise that he was safe, that his dream wasn’t real. He wrapped his arms around Jacky her body and pressed his head against her chest. Jacky was laying on her back now, with Bucky next to her. He was listening to her breathing, to find some rest again. 

“Bucky, please tell me what is bugging you in the nights? I want to help you,” Jacky asked. She was petting Bucky’s hair. Normally, when she did this, he would slap her hand away. But he didn’t even notice what she was doing. 

“I’m in this chair. It hurts, but I keep sitting. And this man is just standing there. Then I wake up and I’m in this… mode. I’m hunting Steve and you. I am trying to kill both of you. Then my hands are covered in blood, I wake up and see that I hurt the two most important people in my world. God Jacky, I will never hurt you,” Bucky whispered. He looked up at Jacky, in this way she saw the tears in his blue eyes. 

“I know that silly. You will never hurt me…or Steve. We are a small family and we don’t hurt each other,” Jacky said. She pressed a kiss on his forehead. It was sad to see fear in a man as powerful as Bucky. After what he had been through, he didn’t deserve this. 

“What if they get me again? They got me once, what if they get me again?What if they force me to attack you,” Bucky said softly. He pulled her close and sighed.

“You won’t hurt me. I know you would do everything to stop yourself,” Jacky said. Bucky got up and put his hands in front of his face. She was looking at his muscled back now. His entire back was covered in little scars, the ones around his shoulder are a bit bigger. 

“Are you scared, of me? Of what I am?“ Bucky asked quietly. Jacky got up, so she was sitting behind him. Smiling, she pressed tiny kisses on his neck. 

“How on earth can I be scared of you? A person who cooks and cleans. A person who is in love with my dog, who I caught cuddling with her. Bucky, there won’t come a day where I will be scared of you,” she said. Bucky looked back at Jacky, who smiled joyfully. 

“How can you trust people like me? You took a stranger in house, who is an assassin. You spent a lot of money to support yourself and me, a person you don’t know. Why? I don’t deserve this. I killed millions of people. Even woman and children. I tortured people, cut off their limbs and fed them their own flesh. I looke…-“ 

“Shut the hell up Barnes. The person that is sitting here on my bed is not the same as the person you are describing. You where whipped. They forced you to do all of that. From the moment I found you, till now is the real Bucky. I don’t want to hear you talk like that. You are the best thing that happened to me in a long time. I was alone here, with Rex. And now I have someone to come home to. A person who makes me smile. You are important to me. As I said, you are my own small family. I took you into this home, because you have been tortured long enough. You deserve to have a normal life, to make friends, to find a girl and fall in love. You have suffered long enough,” Jacky interrupted him. He frowned and fell back on the bed. They switched positions, Jacky lay against his chest now. Bucky seemed a bit calmer after their talk. His breath got slower and his body cooled down. 

“Chase is lucky to be with a girl like you,” Bucky said softly, after a few minutes of silence. It made her stomach explode to hear that. She wanted to hear it, from Bucky. But it felt wrong. It felt wrong to try and push Bucky into a relationship, when he is fragile. He should get a taste of the world, cultures and other girls. 

“I appreciate that you try to act normal around him,” Bucky wrapped his arms around her. It was wrong to do this, knowing that she was dating Chase. Jacky needed to make a choice. 

“Hmm, I still don’t like him. But you should get what you deserve. A man who can support you, who isn’t a weight on you back. He can probably give you amazing gifts and take you on amazing dates. I wouldn’t be able to do that. I want you to be happy, and Chase makes you happy,” Bucky said. Jacky closed her eyes, this conversation was going the wrong way for her feelings. 

“You make me happy,” she said softly. Bucky brushed his hand against her back and sighed. 

“We should sleep. You have a big day with Steve tomorrow. Goodnight Bucky,” Jacky said, to save the situation. She felt that Bucky nodded. 

“Goodnight Blondie,” he said. With those last words, there was an awkward silence. Jacky didn’t sleep. She kept repeating the last part of the conversation. This was hard, harder than taking someone in her home.


	12. Start of a new life

Steve and Jacky agreed that Bucky needed some fun in his life. Being stuck in a small apartment with a dog and a nurse isn’t the best way to recover from his past. Bucky needed some air and to discover the new world that he was living in. After Bucky told his nightmare, Jacky called Steve at her work. It seemed like a good idea to start with something fun, a theme park or a carnival. Steve told her that he had a good idea on his own, that he wanted to tell Bucky. Something to stimulate him and get him out of his slow life. They wanted to surprise Bucky, something that was kind of hard, considering that he hated surprises. When Jacky got out of her work, around 12 o’clock, Steve picked her up with his motorcycle. They drove to her place, where Bucky was sleeping with Rex against his chest. Jacky picked her pillow from the bed and smashed it on top of Bucky’s head. The man started swearing in Russian and looked up angrily.

“I told you to keep Rex out of the bed! Get up, Steve is here and we are going to do something fun,” Jacky smiled. Rex looked up and started barking, when she saw Steve in the living room. She got up and ran towards the blond man. 

“Don’t worry, she is nice. If you looked more like a homeless person, she might like you more. Right, Buck?” Jacky smiled proudly. Since she was around Bucky, she started to use more of this sort talk. It was something between her and Bucky that was there from the beginning.

“Shut up Blondie. Why did Steve pick you up? If you had called I could have picked you up,” Bucky mumbled. He pushed the blankets away and stepped out of the bed. He kept sleeping in his boxers. Jacky bought him something to sleep in, but he refused to sleep in it. 

“Because we have a surprise for you. Steve picked me up with his motorcycle, so we could both surprise you,” Jacky smiled. She walked towards the doorframe, where she looked back at the sleepy man.

“Get yourself ready, we are leaving in a few minutes,” Jacky said. She closed the door, to give Bucky some privacy. She sat down on the couch and waited together with Steve for Bucky. 

“He is really slow, so don’t expect to be gone soon,” Jacky said, when 10 minutes passed. Steve chuckled and shucked. 

“Not different from 70 years ago. It took him forever to polish his shoes or make his hair perfect. That’s different though. His hair, girls loved his hair,” Steve smiled. Whenever he talked about the past, Steve got this gaze in his eyes. She saw a certain happiness in his expression. 

“I like his hair. Now that he’s finally washing his hair, it’s nice and soft. And when he puts it in a bun, his face is incredibly handsome,” Jacky smiled. Bucky was always handsome. She got why he was popular with the girls… before all of this. 

“Stop talking about my freaking hair. Can we please go and do whatever you two have planned for me?“ Bucky asked. He was pulling his hair into a bun, while stepping in the living room. He was wearing a thin shirt with his old pants. 

“You are really cheerful today, aren’t you?” Jacky said. She stood up, to walk towards the bedroom. 

“I’ll go call a cab. Jacky found this great place where we are going to,” Steve said. He got up from the chair, to give Jacky her phone. Jacky changed her clothes and walked back towards Bucky. The man was sitting next to Rex, petting her head. 

“You okay?” Jacky asked softly. Bucky looked up and nodded. He slowly stood up, while brushing a strand of hair out of her face. 

“Yeah, just…don’t like surprises. You know, I could pick you up sometimes. Chase brought you home, now Steve. I’m feeling left out,” he chuckled. 

“You two ready to go? The cab is here,” Steve said. Buck let Jacky go, and smiled. It was still awkward between Bucky and Jacky. They still hugged and slept together, even though Jacky and Chase had become a thing. She felt terrible, but Chase kept assuring her that it was okay. Bucky needed someone like Jacky and as long they didn’t do more intimate stuff, Chase was okay with it. 

“Come on, Blondie,” Bucky mumbled. He took her hand and pulled her out of her apartment. The group got in a cab and drove towards a carnival, not far from DC. It had been a long time since Jacky went to a carnival, of course not as long as Bucky and Steve. She got out of the cab smiling, while Steve paid. Bucky and Jacky waited outside, next to the cab until Steve was done. 

“When I’m able to get work, I’m going to buy you and Steve something,” Bucky mumbled. He looked down to the ground and kicked a stone away. 

“Of course not, you are going to save it,” Jacky said. Bucky looked up and grinned. 

“Like I listen to you,” He chuckled. Steve got out of the cab and together they walked to the carnival. It took Bucky a while to let down his guard. He passed on several attractions, but agreed on the ferris wheel. After that he joined in the attractions, even laughing together with Jacky and Steve. He finally started to let down this wall of being serious. He allowed himself to enjoy this moment with his old and new friend. After an hour and a half, both men were sitting at a picnic table. They were eating fries, while Jacky was trying to shoot a target so she could win a bear. 

“She’s cute,” Steve said, while looking at Jacky, who was getting angry because she didn’t succeed. Bucky looked up and smiled. 

“Yeah. Jacky is amazing,” Bucky mumbled. He was stuffing his mouth full with fries. Bucky loved fries, if it wasn’t for Jacky, he would eat it every day. But Jacky of course wanted him to eat ‘healthy’. 

“Why don’t you take her on a date? I’ll pay for it. I think it’s nice if she got some…more attention,” Steve said. He started to laugh, when Jacky started to get desperate. 

“She’s with some dickhead, called Chase. I don’t deserve her anyways. There isn’t much I can offer her. She deserves someone like Chase, even though I want to strangle him,” Bucky said. He looked up at Steve. Bucky wanted Jacky. He wanted to touch her more, he wanted to feel her skin on his own. He wanted her love, but it wasn’t realistic. Why would a beautiful woman like Jacky even be interested in him, if there was a rich doctor who could make her feel better. 

“Yeah, it sure will work out with that attitude. Just take her on a date. You know, when I was small, you would say this to me,” Steve chuckled. Bucky got annoyed. He didn’t want to get rejected. The love the he was getting now was enough. 

“On another topic, why don’t you come to S.H.I.E.L.D. with me? We can hunt Hydra down together, with Natasha and Sam. We are going to be a great team. They will give you an ID, so you can open a bank account and earn money. I’m going to work in two days, come with me please. I’ll pick you up, we’ll train together and start some paperwork to hunt Hydra down,” Steve smiled. He leaned towards Bucky, to catch his attention.

“Like the old days. You and me. I think it’s a good idea. Think about it,” Steve said. He stole a fry from his best friend and smiled. Bucky thought about this idea, to work with Steve. But he was scared for Jacky and her safety, if he was, then he wouldn’t be able to protect her. Chase might hurt her, or worse, Hydra. But he needed money, Bucky knew that Jacky didn’t earn much and that he was close to getting in to trouble. He needed to support her, even if it was money for food and stuff. 

“I’ll talk about it with Jacky. And I’m going to save that man before Jacky shoots him,” Bucky said, to escape the conversation. He needed to think, to make a plan. 

Jacky was getting to the point of giving up. She wanted to impress two of the best soldiers to ‘just shoot right at the target’. But she didn’t even get close. Jacky looked up, when she felt Bucky’s metal hand on her shoulder. 

“I’ll do it, which want do you want?” Bucky asked. She stepped aside and nodded. He picked up the gun and smiled. 

“You sure?” Jacky asked softly. His gaze stayed down at the gun and nodded. 

“This is a piece of crap. I’m used to higher quality, but this will do,” he said. Bucky lifted the gun and stayed in his position for a few seconds. He shot two times, the second one right in the target. Jacky clapped her hands and smiled. The man put the gun down, but not before a last glance at the weapon. 

“What kind of gun did you have in the war?” Jacky asked softly, while the man behind the counter got her bear. Bucky looked up and turned his back to the weapons. 

“Don’t know, Steve might know,” Bucky said. Jacky got the big, brown bear and walked back to the picnic table with Bucky. It was nice, to start doing things with Bucky. But he started to build up his wall again. He sat down and looked up at Jacky. 

“Are you happy? With the stuffed animal?” He asked softly. Jacky sat down next to him and nodded. 

“Yeah, I don’t think I would have won it if you didn’t step in. Thanks,” Jacky smiled. Bucky brushed through the bear’s soft fur and smiled. 

“Jacky, do you agree that it would be smart for Bucky to start working?” Steve asked. Jacky looked up surprised. It would be great if Bucky started working. Not only for the money, but for Bucky as a person. He would have a goal again and had more to talk about. 

“That would be amazing? Don’t you think, Buck? If it was possible at least. Can’t he work at…eh…that thing…where you work?” Jacky said. Steve smiled, but Bucky looked away, as if he didn’t agree. 

“They offered him a job. We could start in two days, starting to hunt down the people who did this to him. I’ll pick him up around ten, we’ll train and start working. I will return him home around dinnertime,” Steve smiled, proud of his own idea. 

“Try it for one day Buck. I’m not home that day anyways. I’m going to Chase’s to watch some films,” Jacky said. Bucky clenched his jaw and shucked. 

“Sure, I’ll go,” he said softly. It didn’t sound like Bucky wanted to. It was hard to start working again, but it might be good for him. It was good for his relationship with Steve. It would be good for Bucky to start his new life. Smiling, Jacky got closer, to press a kiss to his cheek. 

“I’m proud of you, you are doing really good,” Jacky said softly. Bucky looked up surprised. He smiled and nodded. 

“Thank you, I will try it. I might enjoy it,” he mumbled. It was a good day. Bucky went through a great change today. He was going to work again and made a new beginning to his own life. It was a bit sad, Jacky started to realise that Bucky is getting more independent. It might not even take long before he moved out. She didn’t want him to leave, she loved having Bucky around her, but this wasn’t about her. Bucky was going to start his life and she was incredibly proud of that.


	13. Protection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LOVE THIS CHAPTER OMG

It was the first time Bucky and Steve trained together. He was always surrounded by the sounds of his own breath, the sound of his sweat that dripped on the mat. Bucky wasn’t used to hearing someone else breathing and sweating. It took a lot of energy to realise that he was sharing the practising space with Steve. He body wanted to go in attack mode, to fight what was different from normal. Bucky and Steve trained together for over two hours. Both of them were completely drenched with sweat. 

“Let’s shower and get to the paperwork. You can meet Natasha today, she has files from a Hydra base. We need to find out where the next base is,” Steve said. He had a towel around his neck and drank from a bottle of water. Bucky didn’t talk yet, he needed to calm down first. They walked into the dressing room, where both of them got out of their dirty clothes. Bucky didn’t put much value to his naked body. He didn’t care if someone saw him, many people in Hydra had seen him naked and somewhere Bucky thought that Steve had seen him before too. He did respect other’s bodies. Bucky would never walk in the bathroom if Jacky was there, and if she was changing he kept waiting before entering the bedroom. Jacky had seen him naked though, multiple times. If he needed water or milk and was in the shower, he just got it. Jacky was shocked by it the first time, but it got to be normal. 

“How were we, as friends?” Bucky asked, while entering the shower. Steve turned his naked back towards Bucky, so he could step under the cold water. Bucky tried to remember how he was, how he became like this. He wanted to know who he was, for Steve. 

“We were amazing. I got in trouble a lot, I got you in trouble a lot. And you always saved my ass. I was sick a lot and you would come in and play board games. Your siblings came with you a few times, but they got bored and went outside again. Except from you, you always stayed beside me. After my father and mother died, you became my world. You were my only friend…my only family. Buck, you were amazing. I tried to push you away, why on earth would a handsome, talented man like you hang out with…me. I was sick all the time, people beat me up all the time…I wasn’t worth anything. But you saw my potential, you stayed and acted like I was just like you. You protected me, just like you are protecting Jacky now. The only difference is that she doesn’t need protection. You know that my mother was a nurse, just like Jacky? My mom loved you. She always made her famous apple pie, all for you,” Steve laughs. He turned around, while soaping his body. It was hard to imagine Steve being tiny and sick. Bucky saw the photos, Steve showed them a few days ago. Bucky hated it that he had this life where he didn’t know of. Bucky only remembered the last… 4 moths of his life. It was frustrating, incredibly frustrating. 

“I sound like a great guy,” Bucky said. He turned the shower off and took his towel, to dry his cold body. Steve started to laugh and followed Bucky. 

“You are a great guy. Come on Buck, you are amazing,” Steve said. They walked back towards their bags, so they could dress themselves. 

“There are different opinions about that,” Bucky mumbled. The news kept putting him in a bad light. It was three months after the incident and he stayed at the head of the news. 

“We need to wait for a new disaster, then you are old news,” Steve smiled. Bucky allowed himself to chuckle softly. After both of the men got dressed, they went to the office. A beautiful redhead was sitting in one of the chairs in the small room. There wasn’t more space for people, now that Bucky and Steve were inside. There was one, big table with a few chairs and a computer. There wasn’t space for more stuff. 

“The fossil finally got a fossil friend,” the redhead smiled. Bucky heard Steve sigh, this joke was probably old.

“Sergeant Barnes, I’m Natasha Romanov. Nice to meet you,”. It was a surprise to hear Russian. Bucky frowned and looked uncomfortably at Steve. It was a little bit too familiar. Natasha chuckled and shook her head. 

“I swear to god if this becomes a thing, I will leave. I don’t feel like learning Russian just because you two want to talk Russian,” Steve laughs. He sat down and picked up the dossier laying in front of Natasha. Bucky sat down next to Steve and smiled. 

“Don’t worry. I won’t talk Russian…for now,” Bucky said. Natasha sat down in front of the two men. Steve took all the papers and started reading some. 

“Any knowledge about a different base?” Steve asked. His eyes were roaming for a clue, but he probably couldn’t find anything. 

“None, but I found some files about people inside Hydra. We could search for them and interrogate them. Widow style. The last five papers are information about them. They have great positions, so Hydra would be pretty bummed if we caught them,” Natasha said. Bucky picked the last two papers, he might recognise someone. The first person was a fireman, there wasn’t anything special about him. It was way too easy to catch him, so he might not even be important. Bucky gave the paper to Natasha, so he could read the next one. A nauseous feeling crept up deep inside him, when Bucky saw the picture attached to the paper. His body filled with anger, mixed with fear. 

“He’s dead. I will rip his intestines out and make him eat it,” Bucky growled, while crumbling the paper. Doctor Chase Wilson, medical advisor for Hydra, chairmen of the hospital and he put his dirty little fingers on Bucky’s girl. Bucky wasn’t able to think clear, for the first time in months he had a mission. Killing Chase and making sure that his girl was safe.


	14. Relapse

Bucky knew exactly where Chase lived. He figured it all out long before he let Jacky go over to his place. It was a big deal for him to let Jacky go and there was no way in hell that he’d let someone from Hydra touch her. He didn’t care that he might get in trouble for what he was going to do. Bucky was going to kill Chase, with his human hand. He was going to show that the Winter Soldier was still here and protection what was he is. Bucky didn’t notice Steve running behind him, nor Natasha who was pulling on his arm. He was on a mission and no person could stop him. Steve and Natasha gave up and just followed Bucky, they didn’t know who the doctor was, so they had no idea what was going on. Bucky got outside and crossed the street. Cars started honking and people started screaming at the idiot that didn’t look. Steve and Natasha both started to apologize for him. Bucky crossed an alley and another street, before Steve started to walk in front of him. 

“At least tell me what is going on!” He screamed. Bucky’s eyes were filled with pure anger. He kept repeating the death of Chase in his head, time over time. The one even worse than the other. 

“The doctor is Jacky’s boyfriend,” Bucky growled. Steve looked shocked and stopped walking. Natasha and Steve started to talk, but Bucky didn’t hear what they said. He kept walking, ready to kill. After a walk of five minutes, Bucky arrived at the right apartment. He didn’t bother to ring the doorbell, he kicked in the front door. Wood started to splinter and flew around his ears, he felt it penetrating his skin but Bucky didn’t care. He ran up the stairs, to the third floor, straight to apartment 3D. Once again, Bucky didn’t bother to knock. He grabbed the doorknob with his left hand and simply ripped the door out of the frame. The man threw the door away and stepped inside. Jacky was standing in the middle of the living room, surprised with the rage of Bucky. She didn’t speak, which was a rare thing for her. Chase stepped from the bedroom, into the living room, not knowing that he stepped closer to his own ending. 

“Babe, what on earth are you doing?… Bucky? What are you doing here?” Chase asked surprised. Bucky grinned and walked closer. He heard Natasha scream and he saw in the corner in his eyes, Steve, who made sure that Jacky was safe from the rage. As if Bucky would ever hurt his girl. 

“моргала выколю, падла,” Bucky hissed and grabbed Chase around his throat. The small man started to scream and tried to kick Bucky. He threw Chase onto the floor in front of Jacky and kneeled next to him, to grab his throat again. 

“Say it! Say why you are with her. I want to hear it from your disgusting mouth!” Bucky screamed. Chase got pale and tears started to appear in his eyes. He started to realise what Bucky knew, and he was frightened. 

“I liked her! I really did. I got forced to flirt with her when I realised that you were close. I’m sorry! Please let me go, let me go, I’m sorry. I will never look at her again!” Chase started to cry. A nasty smell of urine filled the room. Chase peed himself in his fear. 

“For who do you work!” Bucky yelled. Chase closed his eyes and kept crying. He knew that he was at his end. 

“Say. It” Bucky hissed. The blond man opened his eyes and looked up at Jacky, who pressed herself against Steve. She was scared, that wasn’t weird. Her roommate was killing her boyfriend in friend of her eyes. 

“Hydra! I work for Hydra. They needed access to medicine and medical reports! I’m helping them!” He cried. Big tears rolled down his face. Bucky smiled, this was what he wanted to hear. With his hand still around Chase’s throat, when he got up. 

“I’ll be right back,” Bucky mumbled. He dragged Chase towards the bedroom. Jacky didn’t deserve to see what he was going to do. This was for Bucky, his own pleasure alone. He pushed Chase inside and closed the door behind him. 

“You enjoyed it? Touching my girl, knowing that you were betraying her?” Bucky asked. Chase fell on his knees and held his hands in a praying position. 

“Please! I was forced to, just like you. I didn’t want to do I…-“. Bucky interrupted the men by kicking him away. The man flew a few meters into the air and crashed against the wall. Chase moaned and started to cry harder. 

“You really want to be like me? Let’s make it more realistic,” Bucky smiled. He lifted Chase from the ground and grabbed his left arm. Chase started to beg again. His talking got stopped by his own screaming, when Bucky ripped his arm off. Blood spilled on his shirt, something he didn’t even notice. Bucky got into a mode that was similar to his mode in Hydra. He was done. Bucky wanted Jacky. The last part was simple, he squeezed Chase’s throat, until his body got lifeless. Bucky made sure that Chase was really dead, before dropping him onto his bed. Bucky stood still for a few seconds, to get calm. He just killed Jacky’s boyfriend and even though it was to protect her, he was scared that she wouldn’t want him anymore. He might just have screwed up this amazing relationship. Bucky took a big breath and turned around. He opened the door and stepped inside the living room. Jacky was still pressed against Steve, but looked up when Bucky re-entered the living room. There were tears in her eyes and Bucky didn’t know if it was of fear of sadness. 

“I…I needed to protect you… he used you for me. I’m sorry,” Bucky whispered. He looked down on his own shirt and shook his head. 

“If he didn’t work for Hydra I would have left him alone, but he was bad…he was going to hurt you. I can’t let the best thing that happened to me get hurt. I want to see you happy,” he mumbled. Jacky looked up at Steve, who nodded in approval. She let him go and walked towards Bucky. Before she wrapped her arms around his chest, he saw how tears started to escape her eyes. It was the first time he saw her cry and it broke him. He failed in making her happy. 

“Stupid asshole idiot!” Jacky yelled. Her voice got muffled, because she talked against his chest. Bucky brushed her hair and kissed her head. 

“I’m sorry that I behaved like this, that you saw me like this. I wanted him out of your life, forever. I’m sorry Jacky, I’m so sorry,” Bucky whispered. Jacky looked up at Bucky, her eyes looked so bright. She was perfect.

“Let’s get out of here, please. I want to leave, please Bucky, let’s go home,” she whispered. It felt good that she didn’t kick him out. Jacky still wanted him, even after all of this crap. She still loved him. Bucky wrapped his arms around Jacky and pressed his nose into her blond hair. 

“Yes, we are going home,” he whispered.


	15. Forgiveness

It felt like a dream to sit on her bed. Just an hour ago she was cuddling with Chase… and now he was dead. She was never going to work with him again, she would never see him again. Natasha said that she would take care of the body, after cursing at Bucky. Jacky couldn’t believe that Chase used her, that Bucky killed him. Without mercy he ripped his arm out and strangled him. As soon as they came home, Bucky walked towards the bathroom. Steve started to make tea, and pushed Jacky to her bed. He probably was scared that she would faint. It was the first time that Jacky saw what Bucky was capable of, she saw the power that he had deep inside of him. 

“Here is some tea. I think we…I need to explain what happened. We had these papers and Bucky saw a few members of Hydra that we found. One of them was Chase, a medical advisor. Bucky flipped at that point. I get it though, Chase could have hurt you. The last thing Bucky wanted was you getting hurt because of him,” Steve said. He sat down next to Jacky. He sighed softly and looked towards the ground. It wasn’t the first time he saw it, he experienced it. 

“A lot of people are connected to Hydra,” he continued. Jacky took a sip from her warm tea. The warm liquid burned her mouth, but she didn’t care. Jacky was concerned for Bucky, if he was still the same person or if he wanted to leave. She didn’t want him to leave just because she could come in contact with Hydra. The shower turned off and she could hear Bucky move around. 

“Don’t be scared of him, he would never hurt you,” Steve whispered. Jacky looked at Steve and smiled. She would never be scared of Bucky. She knew that he would jump in front of a train for her, he would never do this to her. 

“I’m scared that he is not the same person right now. I don’t want him to change because of this,” she said. She took another sip and sighed. This was a big mess. Bucky opened the bathroom door and walked inside. He crawled on the bed and pressed his wet head against Jacky’s shoulder. 

“Sorry Jacky, do you want me to leave for killing your boyfriend?” Bucky said softly. He crawled closer to Jacky and wrapped his arms around her chest. Jacky couldn’t help but to smile. He didn’t change, he started to act like a cat once again. Bucky was one big cat, her cat. 

“No, you can stay. But only because I like your cooking. But never do that again, ever. They might have the same story as you, Buck. Talk first, after that you are allowed to kill,” Jacky said. Bucky pressed his chin on her shoulder and nodded. 

“I am happy that you are safe. I was scared that he was hurting you…to get to me,” Bucky said. Jacky drank the rest of her tea and looked at Steve. His eyes kept looking at his tea, as if he was in deep in his thoughts. 

“They will never get me, I save my own ass,” Jacky laughed softly. Steve looked up and smiled. 

“I am going to look for Natasha. I feel bad for leaving her alone. Here Buck, have my tea. I’ll call later. Don’t do anything stupid,” Steve said. Bucky let go of Jacky and took the cup of tea. Only now, Jacky was able to see that he was sitting in his boxers. He didn’t even take the effort to dry his body. He sat down on Steve’s spot and sighed. 

“This is nice, tea…with you,” Bucky said softly. Jacky got up and put her tea on the nightstand. The man was wetting the whole bed with his stupid behaviour. Jacky got a towel from the bathroom and walked back. 

“Listen, I don’t agree with what you did. Even though I’m grateful that you want to protect me, it’s not yours to decide who lives. Chase was my boyfriend, you should have giving him a chance. But I get where you are coming from. You saw someone from hydra getting close to someone you love and you fell into a rage. It was wrong to kill, but I’m not angry. A bit disappointed and sad, but not angry,” Jacky said, while drying Bucky’s hair. She continued to dry his shoulders and chest. 

“I am sorry. Sorry that I hurt you and made you disappointed. I’m not sorry for hurting Chase. He was using you to get closer to me. He wasn’t in love with you and you don’t deserve that. You deserve someone who makes you laugh, who loves you no matter what and wants to do everything to see you smile, cause god, your smile is beautiful,” Bucky said. He looked up at Jacky and sighed. Carefully, he wrapped his arms around her, so he could pull her body closer.

“Don’t talk like that. Chase was a human being and he said that he liked me. I get that he was using me, and that hurts too. But I think that you should have let him live. He got scared enough, it’s not like he was trying to fight you. Let’s not talk about it. I don’t hate you and I want you to know that. You are still important to me, really important. I am going to order food and we are going to watch a movie together, we’ll talk about it tomorrow. When we were able to think about it,” Jacky said. Bucky sighed and pressed his face against her belly. She could feel his warm breath through her shirt, against her skin. Slowly, she started to brush his hair with her fingers. Jacky wasn’t able to be mad at Bucky. She was sad, incredibly sad that she lost Chase. She was sad that someone used her and that she witnessed a murder. She wanted to be angry, because it was a natural reaction. Bucky could do everything and she would accept it. She loved him and he tried to show love back, and that resulted in this. She didn’t know what to do. 

“I really want Chinese,” Bucky mumbled. Jacky chuckled softly and nodded. 

“Yes, me too. Put on some clothes, I’m going to call,” she smiled. Bucky looked up and smiled back. He got up and pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

“Thanks Jacky, for everything. I know that I’m an idiot. I’m trying my best, I really am, but I fail. I’m sorry for that. I’ll promise that I will cook even better for you, and when I get my money I will help you even better,” he said. Jacky smiled and threw the towel at his head. 

“Put on some clothes before this gets all emotional. And yes, you are a huge idiot,” Jacky laughed, to lighten up the situation. Bucky chuckled and walked towards his part of the closet.


	16. Moving out

It was hard to process what happened. Even though Chase betrayed her, she had feelings for him and they worked together. Except from boyfriend and girlfriend, they were really good friends. It was hard to start working again without his smile and jokes. Bucky moved back to the couch, Jacky didn’t want him to see her cry when she was going to sleep. It was getting easier to handle the situation during the day, but as soon as her head touched her pillow, tears started to come. She didn’t want to make Bucky’s guilt bigger. It was working, Bucky acted like nothing happened at all. 

“Good morning, Blondie!” Bucky screamed from the living room. Rex barked and ran into the bedroom. They both came from outside. 

“Can I come in? I bought breakfast,” Bucky said. Jacky and Bucky had both a day off from work. It was weird to get home, without Bucky sometimes. The apartment felt way to empty without them. The blonde girl got up and yawned. 

“Yeah, sure.” As soon as she said it, the man walked in with a big bag full of food. He kicked his shoes away and sat down next to Jacky on the bed. He opened the bag and gave her a bottle of fresh orange juice and two sandwiches. 

“How does your first day off feel?” Jacky asked. She got closer to Bucky, so she could lean against his chest. She loved to sit this way. Whenever they ate in front of the TV or were just watching TV, they would just sit like this. Bucky petted her hair and started eating from his sandwich. 

“Good. I never thought I would like to start working for someone again. But it is nice to hang out with Steve,” he said. Since the incident with Chase, their conversations were like this. As if they were scared to hurt each other more. They just sat together and talked about stupid things. They didn’t make jokes or talk about normal things like they used to do. Both of them took a step back. 

“You know… I don’t want to sound ungrateful, because you did an amazing thing for me. But Steve and I talked about it and it might be smart if I moved in with him. I am holding you back, getting you in danger…Financially I’m a big thing… I eat in a day what you eat in a week. Steve is willing to buy this couch that can be made into a bed,” Bucky said, out of nowhere. It was as if Jacky had stepped into a cold shower. She couldn’t believe that this was happening, he was going to leave her. It was good, of course it was. It’s good that Bucky wanted to move on and live with his best friend… but her selfish side didn’t want it. She wanted him close, so they could hug and she could feel his rough skin. It felt like a break-up. 

“I don’t mind having you here, you know that. I’m willing to buy a couch like that. You don’t need to move out, you are making money now, so that is helping. You are not a burden for me,” Jacky said softly. Bucky leaned with his head against her hair. She didn’t want this to end. Even though she wasn’t able to have the relationship she wanted. Bucky sighed and got up from the bed. Jacky followed his movements with big eyes, she was scared that he would leave. 

“You are not happy Jacky… we are not the same after Chase. I feel it and you feel it too. I want you to be happy and the only way is for me to give you more space. It’s better this way Jacky. I’m not leaving you forever… I will protect you and I will hang out with you. I feel that you need space and I’m giving it to you… you deserve that,” Bucky said. He stopped walking in front of the bed. His blue eyes looked broken, as if he just saw his most precious possession falling. He was doing this for her, he didn’t want it. Jacky looked down at her hands and nodded. 

“Fine, if that is what you want. As you said, my small weight is not going to keep you here,” she mumbled. She didn’t want to look at Bucky, she knew that she would start crying if she saw him. Bucky moved around the bed and sat down on the ground, so he was able to look at her face. 

“Sweetie, I’m not leaving you alone. Come on, you are breaking me here. I’m trying to help you. After your work for the last 4/5 months, I want to help you. Because when I look at you, I don’t see the smiling girl that took me into her home. I see someone who is forcing herself to be happy, to make me happy,” he said. If he only knew. If he knew that she was holding back because she was head over heels with Bucky. She loved him so much and she wanted to be with him. Bucky got up on his knees and closed his hands around Jacky’s cheeks. 

“Jacky, I love you. After 70 years of fights, humiliating behaviour and torture. I found a person who showed me what love was, how I am supposed to love someone. I still suck at it though, I mean look at you. The only person in the world that I want to make happy is extremely sad. I changed you and I hate myself for that. Jacky, you are so beautiful, you are the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. You deserve space, so you can meet new guys. So you can get a relationship and make beautiful babies. You can’t do that with me, I’m an idiot. I’m an emotional mess who gets scared of hard sounds and hates to shower. I want you happy, and as much as I hate it, I’m not what is making you happy,” Bucky said. Jacky hated the emotional train she was going on. She heard so many reasons, she felt so many things. She was getting confused, her head started pounding. Jacky got up from her bed and pressed the palms of her hands against her head. 

“I’m so sorry. I will leave you alone, okay? I’m sorry that I’m pulling you through this,” She felt him pass her, but before he could step out of her bedroom she grabbed his metal hand. 

“You know that you are the biggest, living asshole, right?! For god sake Bucky! You are not going to leave me. I need you here, with me. I am the reason that I’m not happy. I didn’t want to be happy around you so I wouldn’t fall in love with you more. I was giving you more space, because you deserve to find a girl and be happy. You are stealing my good reasons!” She yelled. Bucky turned himself around and stepped closer to Jacky. Once again, he placed his hands around her cheeks. This time he pushed her head up. He hated that he could stay this calm. As if he didn’t feel any emotion. Jacky wanted to start talking again, but her lips were kept silent with Bucky’s lips. He slowly leaned in and pressed his rough, warm lips against hers. It felt wonderful. It was as if a big weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Bucky made all her anger and sadness disappear. He made butterflies alive in her stomach, he made firework explode in her head. Bucky slowly released her lips and started to give her small kisses on her face, until she started to laugh softly. 

“We both are big idiots. Go sit down, we are going to be honest with each other,” Bucky said. He sat down on bed and pulled Jacky close to him. 

“I am in love with you. God, I already was the first week I met you. The feeling got stronger every day, I loved it when I could sleep next to you. I didn’t know that you felt the same for me, that you were doing the same,” he said. Jacky still felt dizzy from the kiss, she couldn’t believe what just happened. She looked next to her, to see the profile of Bucky’s face. He was in love with her and he wanted to protect her. There appeared a big smile on her face, he loved her and she loved him. 

“I wanted to give you space to develop. You just came in this new world and I didn’t want to rush you into a relationship. The reason I hung out with Chase, was to give you a bigger chance with a different girl. I fell in love with you too,” Jacky said. Bucky looked at the blond girl and smiled. 

“You are not holding me back. I need you, I need you to learn who I am. I’ve been in this world alone for too long and I’m done with that. But you need to know that this isn’t going to be easy. You know how I react with all the end of the year coming, you know that I’m traumatized and that I will keep you up at night. They are looking for me and they might get you. Don’t get me wrong, I am going to protect you like my life depends on it. I will let nobody touch you, ever. I’m not like every other guy. If you think that you can handle that, I would be honoured to call you my girlfriend. Otherwise I will pack my stuff and go to Steve’s. I won’t leave you though, we’ll stay friends and we are going to do fun stuff,” he said. Jacky frowned and pushed against Bucky’s arm. 

“Are you forgetting that I lived with you for almost five months?! I know that you are a dick, no need to tell me. Luckily for you, I’m an idiot. I love you and I want to be with you. I want to help you find who you are,” she smiled. Bucky placed his hand on the back of her head and pressed a kiss against her forehead. 

“And a last thing, if I’m you boyfriend I’m going to take over your bed,” he said, dead serious. Jacky started to laugh and pressed a kiss against his lips. 

“Na-ah, my property. I can upgrade you to Rex’s pillow though,” she laughed. Bucky pushed Jacky on her back and sat on her waist, so he could tickle her body. If there was one thing that Jacky couldn’t handle, it was getting tickled. As soon as she felt his fingers, she started to laugh harder. 

“Have mercy!” she yelled, while laughing. “Okay! You can have your piece of bed back again!” she gave up when she got scared that she would pee herself. Bucky leaned closer to her and pressed a kiss on her nose.

“I love you, idiot,” he said softly. Jacky wrapped her arms around his neck and sighed happily. 

“You too, asshole.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY DID ITTTTTTTT


	17. Babysitting

Jacky loved to be woken up by Bucky’s warm lips against her neck. He got (as promised) his side of the bed back, that same night. And ever since they would fall asleep in each other’s arms and wake-up by small kisses. They were together now for four, amazing, days. It was Jacky this time who woke up earlier. The sun pierced her eyes and Rex’s growling made it so that she woke up around eight. It was the first time that she got up earlier, Bucky had a hard time sleeping after a nightmare. But today was different, it looked like he was totally exhausted from his last two nightmares that had kept him awake for hours. Jacky got closer towards Bucky and pressed a small kiss right under his eye. The man moaned softly, before turning his head towards Jacky. She chuckled and started to press a kiss against his forehead. Jacky closed her hands around his head, to brush through his hair. He moaned again and Jacky could feel how he pulled his face up, so he could kiss her throat. Bucky moved his hand from the matrass, on her waist, up her back, so he could pull her closer. 

“Good morning beautiful.” His throat was sore from the crying last night, what made his voice deeper and darker. Bucky’s nightmares got worse. He could handle them in the beginning, but then he started to dream terrible things. He dreamt that they got Jacky, or Steve. They would hurt them, or worse, he would hurt them. The image of a bloody Jacky wouldn’t leave him alone, it made him scared. He would never hurt Jacky, ever. 

“Hey handsome. Sorry to wake you up, but I wanted to give you the same feeling that you give me every morning. You can go back to sleep, I’ll jump in the shower and make the room ready for Lilly,” Jacky whispered. Bucky opened his eyes, to see that Jacky her face was directly above his. Lilly was the 4 year old daughter of Jacky’s neighbor. The day care was closed today so she didn’t had a place to take her, so now Lilly is coming to Bucky and Jacky’s while her mother is working. 

“How about I join you?” He asked softly. Jacky laughed and pressed a kiss on his cheekbone. Bucky respected her body, he would never do something before he knew that she agreed on it. But that didn’t mean that he didn’t try. Jacky laughed softly and pressed another kiss on his forehead. 

“Try again another time, you need more sleep. I will bring you breakfast later. And don’t let Rex sleep here, I swear to god that I will kick your sorry ass out of this bed,” Jacky said. Bucky started to laugh and let his girlfriend go. 

“Spicy so early in the morning. I would love to see your tiny ass kick mine out of the bed,” he chuckled. Jacky winked and stepped out of the bed. The blond girl did her morning routine and made some breakfast for her and Bucky to eat in bed. She wasn’t the best cook, but she knew how to make some scrabbled eggs and bacon, Bucky’s favourite breakfast. With two plates and two cups balancing on them, Jacky walked back in the bedroom. The man was sleeping, with his arms wrapped around Rex’s body.

“For god sake Barnes, stupid asshole,” Jacky mumbled. She saw how Bucky started to smile, revealing that he didn’t sleep at all. Jacky put the two plates on the nightstand and kicked Bucky’s butt softly with her foot. Quickly, Bucky turned his torso, so he could grab her ankle and pull her towards him. Jacky screamed, high pitched, before landing on top of Bucky. Scared, Rex jumped away, onto her dog pillow. She growled softly of disapproval and curled up. Bucky wrapped his arms and legs around her body, so Jacky wasn’t able to move. 

“I won, now, let’s dump that kid and go do something nice,” he whispered in her ear. Jacky turned her head towards Bucky and raised her eyebrows. 

“No, Lilly is nice. You will love her, she is really cute,” Jacky said. Bucky whimpered and let Jacky go. He turned his back to her and got up. He picked up his plate and leaned against the headboard. 

“I don’t like children. They are dirty and noisy,” Bucky said. Jacky got up next to him and took his plate out of his hands, before he could eat. The man sighed and picked up the other plate. 

“Well, that’s two things you have in common with her,” Jacky said, while eating her bacon. Bucky pushed against her shoulders and made a disapproving noise. Both of them ate their breakfast. And while Jacky made the apartment childproof, Bucky jumped in the shower. 

“Here is the spawn of Satan himself,” Bucky mumbled, when the doorbell rang. He just got down on the couch and pulled Rex onto his lap. 

“Shut up, don’t talk like that when she is around here. I will call Steve so someone your own size can kick you!” Jacky hissed. Bucky rolled his eyes and buried his face in Rex’s fur. After giving Bucky a warning look, Jacky opened the door. A tall dark haired woman with a small, brown haired girl was standing in the hallway. The little girl had a pink backpack on her back and a brown bear in her hand. She pressed her tiny face against her mother’s jaw. 

“She’s a bit shy at first, just give her some fruit loops and give her –her favourite show and she will be fine,” Claire said. She held up a big bag with toys and stuff that Lilly needed. 

“I would stay longer, but I really need to go to work. If there is something, you can call me. She is a sweetie, really,” Claire said. Lilly started to cry softly, knowing that her mother was going to leave her soon. 

“It’s okay. Lilly and I are going to have lots of fun, right Lilly? I heard you have really pretty Barbies, I would love to see them, if that’s possible. And Rex is here, I know you love to cuddle her,” Jacky smiled. Lilly looked up and frowned. 

“Rex’s mine,” Bucky mumbled. Jacky closed her eyes for a second, before smiling. Carefully, she lifted Lilly from her mother’s hip. 

“Ignore the old, grumpy man,” Jacky smiled. Claire put the bag next to the door and kissed her daughter’s head, before stepping out of the apartment and closing the door. Lilly leaned with her head against Jacky’s shoulder and let her walk towards the couch.

“Go sit in your chair. Lilly and I are going to play here,” Jacky said. Bucky looked up from Rex and sighed deeply. He got up, with Rex in his arms, and sat down in the small chair. After putting Lilly on the couch, Jacky started to remove her backpack with snacks and her jacket. 

“Here, you can eat your fruit loops. I will get your Barbies,” Jacky said, while giving the toddler her snack. The girl smiled faintly and opened the cap, before eating. The little girl was incredibly cute. It made Jacky start to think about children of her own. She was going to reach the age of 25 this upcoming January and she thought it would be time for her to start thinking about it. But on the other hand, having Bucky was like having a child. She wasn’t even sure if he was able to have children. 

“His arm is shiny,” Lilly said softly. Fruit loops got stuck on her sticky finger, while she pointed towards Bucky. The man looked up and lifted his arm. 

“Yes it is, pretty, huh?” Jacky smiled, while returning with the Barbies. She sat down next to the small girl and placed the brushes and dolls between them. The little girl closed her snack box and let it fall next to her on the couch. 

“Why isn’t my arm shiny, Jacky?” the small voice said. She picked a brush and started to brush her Barbie’s hair. Jacky had no idea how to explain this to a small child like Lilly. How do you tell that someone lost a part of their body, without scaring them to death? 

“Well, Bucky is special. Only really special people get that,” Jacky said eventually. The little girl nodded and seemed satisfied with the answer. Jacky and Lilly played with the Barbies for an hour. After that hour she started to get distracted by Bucky again, his long hair this time. 

“You have pretty hair like me! Like a princess,” Lilly said, while walking towards Bucky. Bucky looked like he saw the most disgusting thing ever, when the little girl started to brush his hair. 

“I am Lilly! What is your name?” she asked. Bucky looked at Jacky, he had no idea what to do or how to act. She got up to press a kiss against his lips. 

“It’s okay, just let her.“ Jacky said. The man sighted and looked behind him. The girl was smiling and put little Barbie clips in his hair. 

“I’m Bucky,” he said. Lilly laughed softly and put the brush away. She pulled herself on the chair, so she sat on Bucky’s lap. Her curious eyes and little hands started to investigate Bucky’s metal arm. She liked Bucky, even though he put no effort in playing with her. 

“Were you born with this?” Lilly asked. Bucky sighed. 

“No. Something happened to me and I lost my real arm, one just like yours. They wanted to give me a fake arm back and made this,” he said. Lilly’s eyes grew wide and she started to smile. 

“Cool! I want one! Can you make me one, I really want a cool arm like yours!” Lilly yelled. From that moment on, Bucky and Lilly got along. He got less serious now that he knew that he didn’t scare the little girl with his arm, and when he saw his girlfriend smile proudly, he knew that he was doing something really good. And the little girl wasn’t that bad, if she didn’t touch his hair. The girl was cute and made him happy. He ended up having an amazing day, with baking pancakes (and getting dirty because Lilly spilled more than she made), eating sugary candy and making a blanket fort. Both of them ended up eating apple pie that Jacky made, in their fort with the laptop that showed the lion king. Bucky was lying on his chest and Lilly sat on his back, her little cheeks stuffed with the apple pie. 

“I’ve never seen this movie,” Bucky said. He was really impressed by the children movies of this time. Lilly and he watched the little mermaid, Hercules and now the Lion king. They all were amazing, he loved them probably more than Lilly. She sat on his back the whole time, playing with dolls or pretending to read. He even heard her sleeping for a few minutes. Bucky didn’t care, he liked the presence of the small girl around him. She was happy and he loved that. 

“Lilly! Your mom is here. Come and pick up your stuff,” Jacky said, at the end of the film. Lilly sighed deeply.

“No! I’m staying with Bucky!” Lilly screamed. It made Bucky smile that something innocent like Lilly wanted to stay with him. More and more great things started to happen to him, and this was one of them. He made a little girl happy. 

“Sweetie, come on. I really want to go home and eat. Jacky and Bucky need to eat too, come,” Lilly’s mother said. Lilly got up from Bucky his back and pressed a wet kiss against his cheek. 

“Can I come play tomorrow? I really like playing here,” Lilly asked. Bucky turned around and sat straight up. 

“Of course. I will come and get you when I have time, okay?” he smiled. Lilly nodded and picked up her stuff, before running out of their fort. Bucky heard how the two woman had a small talk, before Lilly left completely. Jacky crawled next to Bucky in the fort, to slowly get the hairclips out of his hair. 

“You are amazing, how you acted with Lilly. She was really happy. Thank you for giving the child a change,” she said. It was the best thing to hear that he made Jacky proud. He did something good. Jacky pressed her lips against Bucky and slowly got down on her back. 

“I got two girls in my life now,” Bucky said, while he brushed Jacky’s blond hair. “Rex and Lilly.” Jacky started to laugh and picked up a pillow to smash against his head. 

“Asshole! That is mean!” she laughed.


	18. Christmas shopping

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING/SPOILER: Jacky and Bucky get naked in this scene. There isn't any smut, but if you don't like reading it, stop reading when they get home. Hope you still enjoy it! c:

Jacky wasn’t really close with her family. Both her father and mother, who are a neurologist and lawyer themselves, didn’t agree on her career choice to stay a nurse. First, their oldest son decided to leave the country and if that wasn’t enough, their daughter didn’t listen to them. They took it as a great shame and made the choice to act like nothing happened. So they only had contact on birthdays and Christmas, and that last day was getting closer and closer. 

“Tell me again why we are buying your rich ass parents presents, when they act like they are not proud of a daughter that saves lives?“ Bucky asked. The clock had already passed 12 AM, but both of them were still lying in bed. Jacky leaned with her head against Bucky’s broad chest, while her fingers rested on his belly. 

“Because they are my parents. They raised me for 19 years,” Jacky said softly. Bucky sighed deep and pressed his arms closer around Jacky her body. She felt how he pressed a kiss against her hair. 

“Then why do we buy presents? They can buy everything they want,” Bucky said. Jacky looked up at Bucky and smiled. He suggested to celebrate Christmas together, with Steve if he wanted. His pay check got in and he wanted to spend it on them, not on some disapproving family members. 

“Because that’s what they want on Christmas. They want Aaron and me to come with stupid presents while they give us huge things so we feel guilty. But they are my parents and I don’t want to abandon them. And they want to meet you,” Jacky said. Bucky moaned and turned his body, so that he was covering her’s. He pressed his nose between her breasts and sighed.

“We can invite Steve? If that is easier for you?” Jacky said. She looked down at Bucky. She knew that her parents wouldn’t accept him. He was rough and wild, everything that her parents disliked. They wanted a well groomed man with a big job. 

“So you parents can drool on him? Come on Blondie. Steve is the perfect man for every woman. I would love to have him beside me, but I think I will dig my own grave,” Bucky mumbled. He slowly lifted his head, to press his lips against her’s. Bucky was scared that Jacky’s parents would talk her out of this relationship. He wanted to stay here, with Steve and maybe some other agents. To spend his whole pay check on Jacky and Steve. He didn’t want to act like a perfect son-in-law for two days. 

“Bucky, please. I don’t like being around them either, they have been giving me so many problems and giving me so much criticism. I need you there, I need you with me,” Jacky said, when she released Bucky’s lips. The man closed his eyes and nodded slowly. 

“Okay, but I won’t spend any of my money on them. I will ask Steve tomorrow if he wants to come with us,” Bucky sighed. He got up from Jacky and stepped out of the bed. Since two days, it started to snow. He didn’t like it, it felt way too familiar, it made him scared. 

“Thanks, you are amazing. I’ll buy stuff for them. How about we put on some clothes and start shopping? We can shop separately from each other and meet at a point when we are done, so we can buy stuff for each other,” Jacky said. She stepped out of the bed and walked towards her closet. 

-

“I don’t like snow,” Bucky sighed, while the two of them walked towards the shopping centre. There was at least five centimeters of snow and he hated it. He laid his arm around Jacky’s shoulder and pressed her closer towards his body, so he could keep her warm. 

“Stop whining, Barnes. It’s nice and warm in the shopping centre. We can walk around for a while together, so I can buy stuff for Aaron, my parents and Steve. We meet again after an hour at the fountain, okay?” Jacky asked. She looked up and pressed a kiss on his jaw. 

“Good with me. Don’t spend too much on me Jacky, you have done so much. Just give me some socks,” he said. Jacky laughed. She had an amazing idea for his gift and he was not going to talk her out of it. The couple walked around for an hour and a half, before they went their separate ways. Jacky walked around for 40 minutes, before she found what she wanted to buy for Bucky. Happy with what she got, she returned to the meeting point. Bucky was already standing next to the fountain, which gave Jacky the chance to have a good look at her boyfriend. She was lucky to be with him, he was handsome in his winter clothes and he made her feel amazing. She had never before felt so many butterflies, when she was around someone. 

“Hey beautiful, here I’ll carry your bags,” Bucky said, while taking her paper bags. He was a true gentlemen. Jacky closed her hands around Bucky’s cheeks and pressed a kiss on his lips. 

“Did you succeed?” Jacky asked. Bucky got a hold on the bags with his left hand and lay his right hand around Jacky’s shoulders. He saw that it was snowing outside, so he wanted to protect her the best way possible.

“Of course I did,” he smiled. Bucky was proud of himself. He thought that it would be hard to buy something for Jacky, but he had a hit in the first store he got in. As expected, it was snowing when the couple got outside. Snowflakes as big as golf balls fell out of the sky, onto their heads. Bucky pulled Jacky closer and pulled his jacket around her head.

“Come on you sloth!” Bucky yelled. He started to run, but he was way too fast for her. 

“Stop it Sonic! I can’t run that fast. It’s only snow, we won’t die. We’ll get wet, put on dry clothes and continue in our warm apartment,” Jacky screamed. Her cheeks turned red and she breathed heavily. Bucky started to laugh and stopped running. The poor thing was nothing compared to him, when it came to sports. Which wasn’t weird, he was made to be fast and strong. Jacky was made to be cute. The couple walked into the apartment, completely wet from the snow. Jacky pulled out her jacket and sighed deeply. 

“I’m going to jump in the shower quickly. That snow made me cold to the bones,” Jacky mumbled, while she tied her blond hair into a bun. Bucky placed the bags next to the door and nodded. He would love to get warm together with Jacky, but she rejected him once and he didn’t want to go through that again. 

“Leave the heater on, I’m going after you. I’ll put the bags away first,” he sighed. He felt how cold water dripped out of his hair, onto his neck. Bucky saw how Jacky got close, to get a hold on his hand. She always was a fan of a slow relationship. To get comfortable with someone for a long time and move on after that. But Bucky was different, they were already comfortable with each other. She wasn’t scared to show him her body. 

“You can join, but only because you protected me from the snow,” she said. The man smiled and walked behind her, towards the bathroom. It wasn’t weird for Bucky, he showed his body multiple times. Almost daily, but he hasn’t even seen Jacky’s underwear. He tried to act casual, but his eyes kept looking back at Jacky. She was removing her sweater, revealing a soft pink bra. 

“Aaron is going to pick us up in three days, so be sure to ask Steve before that,” Jacky started to talk. She looked behind her and laughed softly. 

“Do you want to see me naked that badly?” she chuckled. He raised his eyebrows and shucked. 

“I haven’t seen a beautiful woman naked in 70 years, so yeah. I actually do,” he said. Jacky laughed and turned towards him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed a kiss onto his lips. 

“Hurry with the undressing before I change my mind,” Jacky whispered. She let him go and pulled her bra off her body. Jacky’s body was simply beautiful, the right curves on the right places. While Jacky stepped into the shower, Bucky started to undress himself. As soon as his boxer hit the ground, he stepped in the warm shower. He closed his arms around her body and pulled her back closer to his chest. 

“I love you Jack,” he whispered in her ear.


	19. Depression

Jacky realized that the snowy weather, made Bucky more depressed. He kept his mouth more shut, and she caught him staring outside the window. It was a fight to get Bucky out of the house, he didn’t want to work and he didn’t want to go feel the snow. After a big fight and a lot of cursing, Jacky succeeded in putting Bucky in the shower. Right now he was sitting on bed, naked. He bowed his head, so Jacky was able to dry his hair. 

“What is going on in your head, sweetie?” Jacky asked softly. Steve was coming in three hours, so they and Aaron could go to her parents. But if she saw Bucky like this, she wasn’t really sure that he was going. Bucky looked up and sighed deeply.

“I hate snow. The cold…it reminds me of pain…it let me feel how they froze me in and put me away like a toy,” he whispered. Jacky dropped the towel into his lap and brushed with her fingers through his tangled hair. 

“You’re not a toy, not anymore. They won’t freeze you in, Bucky. You are safe, with me,” Jacky said. Bucky dropped his head again and pulled the towel onto his head. Jacky got on her knees and smiled toward her boyfriend. He was clenching his jaw. 

“Do you want your present already? I have three presents for you, Steve helped me with one. Come on, I know you want a present,” Jacky said. The man frowned and brushed a strain of hair out of her face. The blond girl jumped up and ran towards her closet. She pulled a small gift box from one of her drawers and ran back towards Bucky. 

“Come on, I got the same one for Steve, without him knowing. But first, I want a smile!” Jacky said. Bucky looked up and sighed deeply. He put on a smile, but she could see in his eyes that it was fake. The man wrapped his arm around Jacky’s waist and pulled her onto his lap. 

“I love you Buck. Happy early Christmas, Sonic,” Jacky said softly. Bucky took the present and pulled off the ribbon. When he opened the little box, he saw, what looked like his old dog tags. He frowned and pulled out the little metal plate. The first one was his information, the second one was supposed to be more information about him. But it was a plate with Steve’s information. 

“You two belong together, nobody, even death or Hydra can pull you apart. This reminds you of the amazing gift of friendship,” Jacky smiled. She pressed a kiss on his cheek and hugged him close. Bucky lost his dog tags a really long time ago. This was way better, he has Steve with him. Bucky pressed his face against Jacky’s shoulder and pulled her closer. He was lucky with a girl that accepted Steve so much, a girl that accepted him so much. Jacky was there for him and she accepted what happened to him. She tried to give him as much possible from his past. He was lucky, incredibly lucky. 

“Thanks love, I really appreciate this. Thank you very much,” Bucky said softly. He pressed a kiss on her cheek and sighed. This was the best gift she could ever give, his identity. 

“You’re welcome. Now come on, I really don’t mind seeing you naked. But Aaron and Steve will be here soon and I don’t think they would appreciate to see your butt,” Jacky smiled. He looked up and nodded. 

“And I know that you hate the snow, I will make sure that you can stay inside. Aaron will park right before the door, so you only have a few steps in the cold, okay?” Jacky said. She tried everything to make him comfortable. Jacky got up from his lap and walked towards the closet, to pick out his outfit and pack stuff for their stay at her parents’ home. Bucky put on his clothes, while looking at Jacky. He could look at her for hours. She was so incredibly clumsy and cute, looking at her made him forget what had happened to him. Bucky slid down from the bed, onto the ground and crawled on hands and knees towards his girlfriend. He pressed his head softly against her shoulder and sat down on his butt. 

“God Bucky, you are such a cat,” Jacky laughed, while wrapping her arms around his neck. She loved it when he acted like this, when he made clear that he needed her affection. He needed her. 

“Can you make some sandwiches? It’s a long drive to my parents and I know that you and Steve need something to eat,” Jacky said. Bucky sighed and crawled away from Jacky. It was sad to see how the weather changed Bucky’s good mood. Jacky hoped that it wasn’t going to be a strong winter, she hated to fight with Bucky about showering or other stuff. As soon as the suitcase was packed, Jacky walked towards the kitchen. She put the suitcase next to the door and stepped next to Bucky. He had made six sandwiches and seeing from the amount, he wasn’t close to finishing. 

“I can’t believe how both of you look so good. You eat more than an elephant,” Jacky sighed. Bucky looked at Jacky and chuckled softly. She loved that sound, it was little moments of small happiness. 

“We can survive on a bread crumb like you, Blondie,” he said. Jacky laughed. The couple noticed how someone put a key in the keyhole and opened the door. Jacky shouted out a high pitched scream and ran towards a tall, blond man. He was way tanner than Jacky, but they both had the same eyes and nose. Bucky knew right away that he was Aaron, her brother. Bucky wasn’t nervous to meet Aaron, he heard so many stories. It was like he already knew Aaron. 

“Hey! So you are the new lover of my baby sister. I normally try to intimidate her boyfriends, but I think you can blow me away. So I’ll back-off,” Aaron laughed. 

“Yeah… I’m Bucky. Sorry, I would shake your hands, but they are dirty. It is nice to meet you,” Bucky said, friendly. He didn’t want to act like this. If it was his choice, he would curl up in bed with Jacky and Rex. But he knew that he would made Jacky happy this way. He would do everything to make Jacky happy. 

“Nah, it’s fine. Is it cool if I use the shower? I came straight from the airport and I probably still smell like llama,” Aaron said. Jacky took him to the bedroom, so that Bucky was alone again. 

“Aaron is nice, right? He likes you already,” Jacky said. She jumped on the counter and smiled. Bucky washed his hands and stepped between her legs. 

“Yeah, he’s nice. What does he know about me?” Bucky asked. Jacky wrapped her arms around Bucky’s neck and pressed a kiss on his lips. 

“Hmm, I told him that you worked in the military. You lost your arm because of a bomb and now you are working for the secret services. That’s what my parents know too,” Jacky said. She brushed through his hair and smiled. He appreciated it that she didn’t tell her family the truth. It wasn’t a good first impression if they knew how many people he killed, how he tried to kill his own best friend. Bucky looked up and pressed his lips against Jacky’s. He loved her warm lips. It gave him energy. Bucky felt how her fingers brushed his hair. 

“Hey Sis, do you have some razors or something. God I look like Bigfoot…o sorry. Please continue swallowing each other.” Bucky let Jacky go and sighed, he didn’t want to stop. He wanted to continue kissing and hugging, but they had a guest now. 

“You can have some from Bucky, they are better for your face. Buck, show him.” Jacky said. The man sighed and walked together with Aaron, to the bathroom. 

“Hey, I know that I was joking, a few minutes ago. But I really want you to take good care of my sister. She’s the sweetest and most innocent thing alive and I don’t want anyone taking advantage of that. I might not look like a big guy, but I can bite back pretty hard. You need to take care of her,” Aaron said, while Bucky was looking some clean razors. It was good to hear that her brother cared about Jacky. 

“She saved me, I will never, ever, betray her. Jacky truly is the light of my life. I will never hurt her, trust me,” Bucky said. 

“Good. Now I need that razor,” said Aaron.


	20. Meet the family

Jacky got more nervous, the closer she got to her parent’s house. Every child felt like it was their job to make their parents proud and Jacky didn’t fill that job. Her parents weren’t proud of her choices, because she didn’t live in a big house and didn’t have a big pay check. They wanted to show off with her, but they had two children who made that impossible. Every year they had a trick up their sleeves, to force Aaron and Jacky into the way they wanted. Both of them were able to get out of their ideas this far, but they got more and more creative. Jacky hated to tell them no. 

“Come on Sis. We got Captain America and your Hulk friend, they wouldn’t even dare to talk shit,” Aaron laughed. He put his hand on her knee, to comfort her. The two siblings sat in front, while the two soldiers sat in the back. Bucky fell asleep almost right away and Aaron and Steve kept talking about their travelling. It was Jacky’s job to navigate. 

“What’s the deal with your parents? Bucky told me a bit but I’m not sure what’s going on. Did I need to bring my shield?” Steve asked. He leaned between the two chairs in the front. Bucky snored for a second and Jacky could hear how he used her scarf to pull on his shoulders for warmth. 

“Well, our parents love to show off. And I would show off if I had a daughter like Jacky, she saved more lives than people I met. But as long as we don’t earn much, they don’t feel like we do our best. So every year to bitch about our careers, they can’t talk about anything else. But we gained two people now, so they might shut up about it this year,” Aaron said. Her brother acted like he didn’t care, but she knew that he felt bad about it. They both took it hard on themselves. 

“I don’t save people’s lives. I make sure they don’t die right away and move them on to other doctors, the kind of doctor that my parents want me to be,” Jacky said. Aaron sighed and pushed the map out of Jacky’s hands. 

“My mother was a nurse too, probably a different kind of nurse than you…but still. I think you are doing an amazing job, you connect to people and comfort them. Doctors come and go,” Steve said. He leaned back in his chair and looked at his friend. Bucky was leaning against the window, while he snored softly. He was cute, extremely cute. After another half hour, the car drove towards a big, typical American home. The front yard was decorated with glowing deers and a big Santa. The big Christmas tree was already visible from the road. 

“Can this house get any uglier?“ Aaron sighed, while he parked the car. 

“Can you two get the stuff inside? I’ll wake Bucky, he gets grumpy if he doesn’t wake up the way he wanted,” Jacky said. She got out of the car and sat down in the back.

“Hey sweetie,” Jacky said softly. She pressed a kiss on his cheek and brushed through his hair. The man moaned and pulled the scarf onto his face. 

“Come on, man child. My parents are waiting, you slept the whole ride,” Jacky said. Bucky sighed. She pulled the scarf away and pressed another kiss on his skin. Aaron and Steve were already inside, when Bucky and Jacky came out of the car. 

“Do I look tired?” Bucky mumbled, while wrapping his arm around Jacky’s shoulders. She looked up and smiled. He always looked dead tired. 

“You look fine, don’t worry,” Jacky said. They stepped inside the warm home and closed the door behind them. The nervous feeling deep inside Jacky started to grow with every step. Not alone for her criticism. They might hurt Bucky, or say something to make him upset. He was doing so well to get out in the snow. 

“Jacklynn! Darling,” Jacky heard her mother shouting. A blond woman with bright, blue eyes and a expensive, red dress ran into the hallway. She pulled her daughter in a big hug. Jacky whimpered, until her mother released her. Behind her stood her father, a tall man with dark eyes and a serious gaze. He didn’t look at his daughter, his eyes kept looking at Bucky. 

“Come on you two, dinner’s already served. We have pork with potatoes and a nice pudding as dessert,” Jacky’s mother said. She took off Jacky’s coat and hung it away in the closet. Jacky looked back at her boyfriend, seeing if he was doing alright. 

“I’ll introduce you to Bucky in a second, let’s sit down first,” Jacky said. She took Bucky’s hand and pulled him to the dining room. Aaron already was sitting in a chair, with his cheeks stuffed full with food. 

“Aaron! I didn’t raise you that way!” their mother mumbled, while slapping the back of her son’s head. The man rolled his eyes and swallowed whatever he had inside his mouth. Bucky and Jacky sat down next to each other. He laid his hand against Jacky her knee. 

“Well, introduce us to this… man,” Jacky her mother smiled. She sat next to Aaron, while looking at Bucky. Bucky hated this feeling, her parents were judging him and he didn’t like that. 

“This is James Barnes, but we all call him Bucky. He worked for the military…and lost his arm. When he came back from his work, he needed a place to live. I took him in…and we started from there. And this is his best friend, Steve Rogers he wo…-“ “We know who he is, it’s not every day that we have Captain America in our home. It’s an honour to have you here, this Christmas, sir,” Jacky her father said. He barely looked at Bucky. His attention went fully to the man sitting in front of him. 

“O no, I’m grateful that I’m not alone this year. The honour is all on me,” Steve smiled. He ran his hand through his blond hair. 

“Jacklynn has always been like this, taking cats or dogs in. She’s now doing it with people too! She is so helpful. It’s too bad that she doesn’t want to put that talent to it ultimo. As a doctor… or even higher. Maybe you two can talk some sense in her,” Jacky’s mother laughed. The first shot was fired and it made Jacky sick to her stomach. Jacky felt how Bucky held his breath, to not say something stupid. 

“Hey I have pictures with some amazing llamas. I worked with this farmer for a while, and his had this baby llama that he named after me,” Aaron said. He got up to pick his phone out of his pocket. Even though Aaron was trying to save the night, Jacky knew that it was going to be about the same the whole evening. Her prediction was correct, Jacky and Aaron’s career choice came on topic five times. It was a plus that they started to like Bucky. They hated his facial hair and long locks, but they accepted him and tried to know him better. 

“I don’t know my family. But is sure as hell know that they are more fun,” Bucky said softly. Both of them decides to go upstairs, when the movie that they were watching finished. They agreed to step in the shower together, to give a nice ending to the night. Jacky leaned with her head against Bucky his shoulder, while he pulled her close in his arms. 

“They can be fun, you should see their weekly hints night,” Jacky mumbled sarcastic. Bucky started to laugh and pressed a kiss to her forehead. 

“At least we give them a nice first impression when they notice that we are standing here. You know I imagined them way worse,” Bucky said. His girlfriend looked up and brushed his hair out of his face. 

“Mom told me in the kitchen that she wanted to cut your hair,” Jacky chuckled. Bucky let her body go, so he could wrap his hands around her cheeks. He looked down at her eyes, he loved her. He loved her so much. 

“You are really pretty.” Jacky smiled and pressed her lips against his. Bucky made it possible for her to keep smiling. Every little touch and every little word made her happy, he gave her energy.


	21. The real me

Bucky got curious about his own family. He wasn’t even able to picture their faces in his memory, everything was blank. Last night, when Jacky was sleeping, he tried to think about them. He wanted to have a small memory about them, he didn’t even care what it was about. But nothing happened. It stayed blank. It frustrated Bucky enormously. Steve was able to think about his parents, even about Bucky’s parents, he still had his memories from before the war. 

“What are you cracking your head about?” Jacky asked. He was sitting on the side of the bed, watching how Jacky changed into a different dress for the Christmas dinner. The whole family went out today for some extra shopping and now it was time to change for the big dinner. Bucky didn’t feel like joining. He was jealous of Jacky and Steve, of everyone. Bucky felt how Jacky placed her hands against his head. 

“Hey, handsome, what’s wrong? Is it the snow?” Jacky asked. He looked up and showed a forced smile. 

“It’s nothing, just thinking about how lucky I am to be with you,” he said softly. Bucky didn’t want to make Jacky feel bad. She worried about him a lot and he didn’t want to put this on her. He got up from the bed and closed his arms around her waist. 

“Really? God you are a bad liar. Steve is better at lying than you!” Jacky chuckled. Bucky pressed a kiss against her warm lips and nodded. 

“There is nothing wrong sweetie, I’m just thinking. You like amazing, it’s a really pretty dress you have. Do I need to change?” Bucky asked. She looked down at her boyfriend and shrugged. 

“My parents bought this one, so I do it to be polite. You look great, just stay like this,” Jacky said. She looked up and smiled. He loved this girl. Bucky places his hand against her neck and pushed his lips against her mouth. It was because of her that he was able to stand up straight, she made him feel more alive, accepted. Their kiss got interrupted by the bedroom door that opened. 

“Dinner’s ready love birds,” Aaron said. Jacky let Bucky go and walked towards the closet, to take out all the presents. 

“Shall I put yours under the tree as well?” Jacky asked. Bucky nodded and helped his girlfriend with carrying the gift downstairs. The whole house was decorated, a bit too much for Bucky’s taste. He and Jacky didn’t decorate the house, mostly because Rex would eat it, but also because Jacky didn’t really enjoy it. It was way too much effort for only a few days. 

“Do we need to wait until tomorrow, or are we going to open them tonight?” Bucky asked. It made him feel like a child, to see presents with his name on it. He wanted to know what they got him, it couldn’t top Jacky’s present, but he was still curious. 

“We’ll open some tonight and the rest tomorrow morning,” Jacky said. Bucky helped her up and they walked together to the table. The whole dining room looked like a five star restaurant and it made Bucky feel uncomfortable. He sat down next to Steve and Jacky and sighed softly. After Jacky and her mother served all the food and her father and Aaron cut the turkey, there fell a silence. Jacky was stabbing her mashed potatoes and Steve’s eyes were focussed on the family pictures on the wall. 

“Well… Steve, how was Christmas in your time?” Jacky’s father asked. Steve looked up and smiled politely. 

“It was different. My parents didn’t have a lot of money, so we improvised a lot. It was simple, but it was nice. And after they died, Bucky invited me to celebrate Christmas with him, those were amazing I even…-“

“Anyone want more mashed potatoes, god they taste so good!” Jacky yelled through Steve’s sentence. Bucky didn’t even realize what happened. There fell a silence once again, but it wasn’t a good one. 

“Funny, you had a friend with the same name as this Bucky. I didn’t realize that it was such a popular name,” her mother said softly. 

“O no it was this Buc…-“

“Shut up!” Jacky yelled. Only now Bucky started to realize what was going on. Steve forgot that nobody knew about the real Bucky. 

“Jacky! Don’t you dare to raise your voice that way!” Jacky’s father yelled. Bucky placed his hand on Jacky’s knee and pulled her chair closer. 

“What is going on?” Aaron asked confused. Bucky felt bad that he didn’t tell Aaron. The man was really nice and he deserved to know it… but which sane man would allow his sister to be romantic with a murderer. 

“Nothing, Steve is confused,” Jacky mumbled. Her father placed his fork next to his plate and shook his head. 

“Jacky,” he said, with a dark and low voice. “I want to know what is going on, I know you are lying.” The blond girl looked next to her, to make eye contact with Bucky. He didn’t want to tell the truth, he didn’t want them to know what he did. 

“Bucky and Steve were friends, before Steve got like this,” Jacky said softly. She was going to tell the truth. Bucky let her leg go and looked away from his girlfriend. He didn’t agree with her decision. This was going to ruin his first Christmas. 

“But…how?” Aaron asked. Bucky felt how Jacky kept looking at him, she wanted his support but he couldn’t give it. 

“Bucky was a sergeant in the army and got captured by an evil organization. They…injected him with similar stuff as Steve, which made him stronger. Steve saved him from the organization and they fought together against them. In one attempt to kill the bad guys, Bucky fell from a train. The train was on a mountain, so he fell hard. Nobody knew that Bucky was injected, so everyone thought that he was dead. He lost his arm and got captured again. They used him for many years as a weapon, until he met Steve again… a half year ago in D.C. He realized who he was and with my help and Steve…he developed to be this amazing man,” Jacky said. Bucky clenched his jaw and sighed. Everybody looked at him, judged him. 

“He is the assassin they were looking for?! Jacklynn, who did you bring in this safe household?!” Jacky’s mother yelled. It felt like someone was strangling Bucky, he wasn’t able to breath and he started to panic.

“He isn’t an assassin! He was one. Bucky is changed, I trust him,” Jacky said. Once again, there fell a silence. Nobody dared to say a word. 

“Jacky is right, Bucky is a changed man and he isn’t the one that I fought. This is my best friend, that I lost a long time ago,” Steve said, to break the silence. Jacky’s father got up and placed his napkin on his plate. 

“James, I honestly thought that you would be a good catch for my little girl. A man of honour and pride. But after hearing this… I don’t want someone who was against America in my house, nor near my girl. So please leave, or I will contact the authorities.” It felt like a slap in the face. He did everything right, he made random people like him and it was ruined in two seconds. The small family he started to be part of, flew away. 

“Dad! No! You can’t kick him out of the house! He fought for this country just like Steve!” Jacky yelled in his defence. Bucky got up and nodded. 

“Jacky, leave it. I don’t want to ruin Christmas for anyone, so I’ll make it quick. I’ll get my stuff and leave, I’m sorry,” Bucky said softly. He turned around and walked away from the table. Jacky started to yell again, he didn’t listen to what she said. It wasn’t going to make anything better, they hated him and wanted him gone. Bucky stepped inside Jacky’s room and took his bag from the closet. Someone ran up the stairs and pushed open the door. Bucky didn’t look who it was, he already knew that it was Jacky. Nobody was able to move as lightly like she did. 

“Don’t listen to them, you know better than that,” she said. Bucky felt her soft hand on his arm, it’s what made him stop pushing clothes in the bag. 

“Go back to your family,” Bucky said softly. Jacky her hand moved on his arm, to his hand so she could hold it. 

“No, you need me, so I’m here,” Jacky said, she was smiling. The blonde girl turned Bucky’s body so he was facing her and stepped closer towards him. He knew that she would walk away from her family for him, she would go with him back to D.C. and have Chinese take-out, just to make him happy. He didn’t want her to give up yet another thing for him. She didn’t deserve that. 

“I can survive on my own. Go back downstairs and have dinner with your family. I’ll walk back, it’s not the first time that I need to walk a long time,” Bucky said. He put the bag on the ground and let Jacky’s hand go. He carefully placed his hands around her cheeks. 

“You give up a lot of things for me, you never say it, but I know you do. I know you called off friends because the weather was bad and I was scared, I know that you wanted to do a lot of things but wasn’t able to because of me. And this is not going to be one of those moments. You need to be with your family, for as long as you have them. I can be on my own,” Bucky said. He wanted Jacky to enjoy the fact that she had caring parents. God, if he was her father, Bucky would have killed the assassin that would dare to touch his girl. They were right, even though he did a good job, Bucky was not safe. He could snap any moment, Hydra could come any moment. 

“Are you freaking delusional? I don’t need to live the rest of my life with those people down stairs!? I want to live the rest of my life with you, with Bucky. The dangerous assassin that watches Disney movies with a little girl and let her put bows in his hair. The assassin that cuddles with my dog whenever I’m not in the bed. That man that would pick me up at the hospital, because he loved the ice cream shop that it’s next to it. For god sake Bucky, I am not leaving you. I am not going to leave you alone when you need me. That’s what a relationship is about, giving up things to make the other one happy. I want you to be happy after all that shit that you have been through. Steve is packing as well, I am going to call a taxi and when we are home we will make a Christmas dinner from the stuff I have at home and we will enjoy each other’s company. I love you, Barnes. I love you so much, you don’t deserve this. You were an assassin, but not anymore. Now you are my bodyguard,” Jacky smiled. She leaned on her toes and pressed a kiss against Bucky’s lips. Jacky made him feel special every day and he wished that he could do the same. 

“Can you pack my stuff? I will talk to my parents, get our presents and call a taxi. Steve is in his room, so when you are done, go to him. I will get you both when the taxi is here, okay? Don’t come down, I think dad will get his gun if he sees you again,” Jacky mumbled. She wanted to walk away, but Bucky didn’t release her face. He wanted to look at her for another few seconds. 

“If you would ask what to do, I would say that you need to stay. You never see them, come home tomorrow and I will take you out. Don’t leave Aaron alone,” Bucky said. He spoke the truth, he didn’t want to pull her out of her family on Christmas. She needed to stay with her family. 

“I know, that is way I don’t ask. Remember that I never listen to you? I’ll visit them another time to talk about it, but I don’t want to be around them right know. I want to be with the love of my life and his best friend, I like that more,” Jacky smiled. She winked and pushed his hands away, so she could walk downstairs again.


	22. Happy new year

Even though the fight with Jacky’s parents, Bucky had a great Christmas. Jacky and Steve were able to make a nice dinner and Aaron entertained everyone with his big stories. The best part was when Bucky went to bed and Jacky would cuddle up next to him. Her present was the biggest gift she could give him. It was the biggest gift that he woke up next to her and saw her beautiful smile. The four of them stayed together, Aaron slept on the couch and Steve returned every day in the morning to make a big breakfast. From Christmas to New Year were the best days Bucky’s ever had. It felt like he had a family. 

“Why are we here? It’s freaking cold, Jack,” Aaron whined. He pulled the blanket closer and wrapped his body in it. Jacky took everybody away from D.C. She knew that Steve and Bucky were anxious for New Year. Bucky knew about the concept of New Year and he hated it. The sound of thunder made him scared, let alone a night full with fireworks. 

“Because Steve and Bucky hate fireworks… well the sound. I’m going to give them ear protection in the hopes that they don’t hear the sound but can enjoy the view,” Jacky said. She sat down between Bucky and Steve and gave the two men their headphones. Bucky was grateful that she tried to make them as comfortable as possible. 

“What did you two do last new year?” Aaron asked. Bucky had no clue. It was possible that he was hunting someone, or that they put him to sleep. 

“I hid in the gym, with loud music,” Steve mumbled. He licked his lips and looked down at his headphones. Bucky knew that Steve suffered more with anxiety. When they were alone, Steve told him about his nightmares. 

“And you? Can you remember celebrating New Year?” Aaron asked, clearly pointed towards Bucky. 

“No idea. Jacky told me about New Year and that’s the only memory I have about this.” He got sick of not knowing things. It frustrated Bucky that he needed to tell people again and again that he didn’t know something. 

“Sucks. It’s five minutes before 12,” Aaron said. Bucky pulled Jacky closer and pressed a kiss against the back of her head. She was the only one that didn’t ask about his past anymore. She was focusing on the future and he loved that. 

“Get the champagne out of the car, and the small white board. These two won’t be hearing us, we need to write stuff down,” Jacky chuckled. Aaron got up and walked through the snow back to the car. 

“If I were you, I would put them on already. People tend to be early. And if there is anything bothering you, or if you don’t feel good, say it. We’ll leave and drive away with loud music,” Jacky said. Bucky gave her another kiss. She was amazing. The two men put on their headphones, which really closed out a lot of sound. Aaron came back and gave the small whiteboard to Jacky. She would write it down whenever a minute passed. When it came down to seconds, she counted down with her fingers. 10, 9, 8 – 3, 2, 1 and almost right away, a bulb of light exploded in the air. It amazed Bucky, it was beautiful. Jacky pulled him from the bench, into a hug. He felt how she pressed small kisses against his skin. 

“Happy new year, Blondie!” Bucky yelled. He heard her cute giggle and he thought that he heard her say the same. She let him go, to hug Steve and Aaron. After all the hugging and wishing each other a good new year, Aaron poured the champagne into cups. Together, they watched fireworks. The sound got through and Bucky had moment were he had to close his eyes to focus on his breathing. But the presence of Steve and Jacky, made him realize that he was safe. Bucky was here, in 2016 with a new love, his best friend and a new friend. He was going to live a new life. The winter soldier was gone, James Barnes kicked him from his throne. Bucky felt like the king of the world, with the most beautiful queen next to him. Ready to take controle of his own life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was the last chapter of this story. I really hope y'all enjoyed it as much as i loved to write it!


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